all about amber

We are crayons

2007-06-14T04:52:00.000-07:00

We could learn a lot from crayons:

Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

**My family is definitely crayons, but we haven't quite managed the "same box" part!**

I miss home often. People like this are one of the things I DO NOT miss about my hometown!

2007-06-12T15:56:00.000-07:00

Yeah, big gator.

But you know what my first thought is? Stupid redneck idiot assholes want to kill one of what is only a few any more. I know they are there in the river bottoms and the like, but there aren't enough of them that you get to see them often, like in Florida. I think it’s sad. I’ve lived there for how long? About 24 years or so. And I’d never seen one until the dead one I saw on the side of the road when I was teaching at Cayuga. (I was nearly thirty by that time).

Let's be honest -- Mr. James doesn’t care that alligators can be a menace to the people who live around the area. He only cares that he now has a great big gator body to do an idiot thing like HAVE STUFFED. So he can decorate with it? That's what it says, right?

Pathetic. And stupid.

Maybe he should spend more time studying interior design and less crawling around on his belly out in the underbrush. We (and the alligators) would all be better off.

NutriSystem Notes

2007-06-11T04:49:00.000-07:00

My mom and I started NutriSystem together a little less than two months ago.

She is doing fabulously and I am so very proud of her. Almost 40 pounds in about 7 weeks! Way to go mom! Her health is not the greatest and yet she still sticks to her diet, chases those little maniacal heathens we all love so much around the house all day, and is always only a phone call away when any of us need her. It's a bird, it's a plane- No, it's SUPER MOM!

I, on the other hand, am in the throes of total suckage. As always, I have dedicated myself only half-heartedly to what I am doing. I know no other way. Work, friends, fun, NutriSystem. I treat them all the same way -- as if I can take it or leave it and I'll still be okay, sometimes even a little defiant that any of those parts of my life might require something from me that I don't want to do. Well, hello...That's how I ended up so fat in the first place, isn't it? Deciding to just do (eat) whatever the hell I wanted and however much I wanted, whenever I felt like it.

That's not to say that I don't like my job or love my friends. I do, very much so. But I don't put into either of them the effort they deserve from me. And who doesn't enjoy having fun? That's kind of the meaning of the word, right? But mostly I don't like myself very much and it's difficult to put your whole heart into something you don't love. Think about it this way: it's hard to justify spending $100 on a perfume you don't absolutely adore, right? Or paying asking price for a house that's not your ideal.

Well, I am not my own dream home, fans, and maybe I just don't have it in me to do full renovations. Or at least, I don't know where to shop for construction supplies...I don't know where to start with changing my mindset on certain things and I really feel like it's my head that's holding me back, not my eating habits. They are simply a small part of the whole that has had major impact over the years.

Today I'm a Little Bummed

2007-06-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

I realized, truly realized, this morning that I was going to have to miss the entire family vacation this summer at the beach. I had hoped to maybe have a couple of days off, but I'll probably be working the entire summer, and we'll really be kicking off right about the time that my mom and sister and everyone else heads off for ten days of playing in the sand and surf (or just watching it from the deck, which is more my speed). I'm really disappointed.

When we were kids, we went every summer and some of my best childhood memories are from those weeks of fun with cousins I might see rarely otherwise. As I got older and my family moved farther away from the coast, we eventually stopped making the trek. A couple of summers after we moved to Palestine, Mom and Poppy continued to organize the trips, but it became too much of a chore and we became teenagers and my dad never liked the to go or to have us gone for so long, so they just died out. We've been trying to revive the memory making so Isabelle and Natalie will have similarly joyous tapestries tucked away in their heads for years to come, and I really wanted to be a part of it.

Even though I cringe at even the thought of a bathing suit, there is something about the smell of ocean on the air that rejuvenates me, that heals something in me I never know is torn until I get there and I am suddenly reminded what peace of mind is like. I am really going to miss that this summer...

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT: Missing woman found under rock!

2007-06-09T16:01:00.000-07:00

There are absolutely no excuses that can hold any legitimate reasoning for abandoning this blog for so long. So I’ll be honest. I just haven’t felt like writing. When I’m at home, I rarely turn on my laptop, and when I’m at work I’m not really supposed to do personal stuff on paid time (so don’t tell anyone, okay?). But I thought today, after my work was completed….”Oh, yeah, I should write something in my blog, huh?”

Truthfully? I was embarrassed that it has been so long. I used to think no one ever read it, and then when I quit writing in it on anything near a regular basis, I got notes from people asking me how I was b/c there hadn’t been anything on in ages. So maybe I'm back for good, or maybe it will be sporadic and sparse, but I am going to attempt to undertake this task yet again.

Think about it -- Now I'm up to 2 posts for 2007, and it's only June! Imagine what I can do with this baby before the year's out!!

Seriously, though, stayed tuned for future programming b/c I am not going to give up on this thing. A girl's gotta have a place to vent, after all!

Has it really been so long?

2007-02-01T07:58:00.000-08:00

I was surprised to see that I haven't written ANYTHING since b/4 T'giving! WOW! I guess I have just been busy! I would've thought that being home from Thanksgiving through New Year's would have given me ample time to update friends on my comings & goings...Guess not!

The holidays were great...I got an ipod from my bro...something I never would have thought to purchase for myself but which I have thoroughly enjoyed! Probably the best thing I got this year. The girls had so much fun, too. This was Nattie's first year to be old enough to get the concept of presents and Santa Claus, etc. Mom's tree was beautiful...I scoured craft stores for things and we made all of the decorations for it except the two I purchased for Isa and Nattie this year.

We (my sibs, parents, and I) didn't all get along throughout the entire holiday, but it was mostly due to the fact that my sis sits on her butt while everyone else cooked, cleaned up, decorated, AND watched her kids. Sometimes I think it would be a lot easier without her just being there and being in the way all the time. But not only does she DO nothing, she constantly criticizes what others are doing for her. She is the ultimate, ungrateful human slug.

Guess what? I have moved!!! My brother bought a house in Alto, Texas. It is 30 minutes, door-to-door, from my parents' house. He asked me to live here with him, and I had been renting a little cabin out in the woods until I decided what I was going to do (move to LA, stay in Palestine) and I didn't like being out there by myself so I was driving all the way to my mom's just about every day. My bro didn't want to live by himself, either, so it worked out well for us both, and it's a 3 bedroom house, we both work out of town but not necessarily at the same times, so though I have been home from the New Orleans area for a week and a half now, I have only spoken to him on the phone, since he's out in California working right now. It's really like having my own place without all the headache. And I am ENJOYING it b/c I have friendly neighbors and license to decorate at will.

It was weird, tho, b/c while we were moving our stuff in, I got a call out for a job and had to leave my room in a big pile of boxes. Matt left a few days after I did, so though we have been here since the 4th of January, it's only been lived in for a couple of weeks!

Ah...Home Again!

2006-11-20T10:41:00.000-08:00

For now I am back in the madness of my parents' house. I'll be here through Thanksgiving week, then I'm probably heading back to Baton Rouge. Right now I have a couple of things on the horizon -- there's my birthday, the biggest day of gluttony in the entire year, getting my Christmas shopping done while I have the time, and also preparing for a return trip to Louisiana. After a month and a half on the road, I have a better idea of which things I really need when living out of a motel room, so I am taking on the task of paring down what belongings I bring with me each trip, especially since I'm adding office supplies to the mix.

I have been really enjoying my job, although the man I was working under my co-workers and I have not-so-affectionately dubbed "Li'l Satan." He's got a bad case of short-man syndrome, and when he gets mad he jumps and shouts and looks just like an angry little leprechaun. I have been at his beck and call the past two weeks and have a bad feeling that I will be requested to return next week to help finish the paperwork for the job that I was just on. I was having nightmares that he would request that I work for him from now on...ugh! Perish the thought. Interrupted my sleep for a couple of nights, though. It would be tolerable, but not enjoyable, for sure. The last couple of days I think he realized he'd been pretty hard on us, because one day he brought us breakfast and another day he passed out goodies with the company logo on them (lanyards, portfolios, etc). He even made the comment, "I really have to stop being so mean or it's gonna come back to bite me in the butt." And the longer we worked for him, the more things improved. He kept saying, "Stick with me. Ms. Floyd, and you'll make it big in this company. Stick with me." And of course, my first thought was, "Do I have to?" Stick with him, I meant.

Life here at home is as chaotic as ever. I think, sometimes, that my sister just isn't happy unless there is drama in her life. That's the only conclusion I have been able to make sense of whenever I examine the things she says or does. So I've stopped examining...For now, anyway. But it is nice to see my Isa and Nattie even though they are intolreable heathens most days. I still love 'em. And for some reason, Natalie, obsessed with animals as she is, thinks she's a puppy. She crawls around, yipping, picking up things with her mouth and bringing them to you. Then she sits back on her legs and pants and wants you to pat her head and tell her she's a "good puppy." It's so sweet! Until she tries to give you puppy-dog kisses, at least.

Even with the kids to help take care of, I find myself heading to town with no real agenda or sitting around the house bored out of my mind. I'm not used to having time to twiddle my thumbs. When I'm working 12, 13, 14 hours a day, I basically eat, sleep, and go to work with very little else in between. Especially since there's no family or friends around. But here I have so much time on my hands every day that I go to town looking for something to buy to kill time. It's oh so nice having the money to do so, but it's not like there's much going on in Palestine, so I am still bored! Yesterday I wandered 3 stores, bought 7 DVDs (which I can't really watch because the girls aren't in daycare anymore and they're mostly movies for grown-ups), and picked up pizza to bring home for dinner, just because I wanted to get out of the house for a while. It's getting expensive, this boredom of mine. I'd say I need to find a hobby, but I think I have too many of those already, and they're not all kid friendly. The wire is sharp and the beads automatically go in little mouths when I'm trying to make jewelry. Scissors needed for scrapbooking are too easily snatched up by busy little hands. And so it goes, with every last thing.

Pulling an All-Nighter...

2006-11-02T20:28:00.000-08:00

Oh, wait! That's every night on this job! DUH! But I'm sleeping okay now during the day, so i's not really too bad. We have a lot of high energy people out here in our offices at night, so they keep me on my toes and alert throughout the long dark hours.

I think tomorrow is going to be my last night out here at this jobsite, or that was the impression I was given, anyway. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to spend assisting witht he pack-up of the office trailer, which means that'll most likely be it for me -- finito! So on Saturday I'm not even going to set my alarm...I'll leave work, swing by the office in Port Allen, and then head back to my motel room to catch some Z-Z-Zs. I'm not going to set an alarm at all. I'll just sleep until I wake up. Bliss....pure bliss.

If I have a few days off, I'll go home -- but if not, I'll stick around here for the weekend. Hopefully, I will get a day or two to catch up on lost sleep, do laundry, and visit my family, but if not, that's okay too. I'm making far too much money to complain b/c they want me to keep working. It's really a nice change. And working 13-14 hour days, I don't even have time to spend any of it! Woo-hoo!

I have been thinking about becoming roommates with my cousin Christy, in Dallas, but I'm still not sure. It really depends on how busy JV plans to keep me. If I'm going to be on the road all the time, then there's not much point in paying for her condo. If it was my own place, it'd be different, but still seems like a bit of a waste of $$. Besides, Matt is wanting to buy a house and he wants me to move in with him, so I may just hold off on the Dallas thing and see what he decides to do when he returns home from California. Hopefully, I'll end up here working all the time. I wouldn't mind living in Baton Rouge too much, I guess.

I think if I get to go home, I might take a day to do some early Christmas shopping either here or down in New Orleans. There's a pretty good mall over on Bluebonnet called the Mall of Louisiana. I haven't had time to completely explore it due to my need to sleep during the day since I'm up all night, but I could certainly go cruise it before I head out to Texas. I need to get Matt and Rachael both birthday presents, as well. Now's as good a time as any, I suppose.

Guess I'd better get back to work. There are time to be keyed and spreadsheets to be created. Hopefully, I can make my work last the rest of the night....

New Job Update

2006-10-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay....Listen, I've not been out of touch because I am lazy. Well, not solely because I am lazy. I also have begun my new job! I was in Norco, LA (near New Orleans) until a week and a half ago, and have been in Plaquemine, LA since, with the exception of the one day that I was moving between there and here, getting site-specifics, etc. But I've not really had a day off since I came to Louisiana. They are saying that we will probably be outta here in about 4 days, and I'm not really sure what the plan is after that.

Two jobs down, I have a much better understanding of the new position and I think that I actually am/can be really good at this job. Plus, it will provide me with the funds to do lots of other stuff that I want to do. I already make more $$ in one week than I used to make in a month! It's been really nice not to have to scrimp when I want something, and even nicer than making a good paycheck is being so buy that I don't really have time to blow much of it, so it's building up nicely in the bank! Woo-hoo! It can be stressful at times, but every day is something new and there are really fun people to work with, really weird people around here, and even a handful of heinously evil leprechauns out for blood (though mine seems to be of no importance yet, since I'm still a new nobody).

But I've met a lot of great people. There's a kid named Dustin from Oklahoma who works with me here at night and, when we're not too tired, we really have a blast making fun of each other and singing to classic rock in the office. And all the while getting all of our work done...Imagine that! I can sometimes actually work and talk at the same time. I must be getting better with age, hmmm?

My Weekend Plans

2006-09-15T15:11:00.000-07:00

Yep. couple more days. Still not out on a job.

So instead, I'm driving to Dallas to visit my cousin. Said she's had a tough week and so my bro and I are gonna keep her company this w/end and (hopefully) cheer her up a bit. I was actually the person who let the movers in to unload all her furniture while she was working in Bryan, so I've been there before, but I know she's bought new furniture since she moved into this new condo by the Galleria. Can't wait to see it. Can't wait for the excuse to get out of this madhouse either, if only for a few days, and can't wait to hit the road, even if it's only for about 2-1/2 hours.

Now, if I can just manage to be cooped up with my brother for that period of time and not commit murder when he least expects it, make off with his new car, and empty his bank account, I will be doing just fine! LOL! Only kidding...he is very generous and will probably fund this expedition himself. I knew there were good reasons for keeping him around...

No news is good news, right?

2006-09-12T09:13:00.000-07:00

Since I left SA on July 1st, I have had several things to do. I spent a week in Bryan TX with my cousin Christy researching mineral rights of specified properties with her, I went to Dallas to help the same cousin move from Ft. Worth into a new condo in Dallas, I went to the coast near Galveston on vacation for 10 days with my family, I spent nearly a week in Deer Park/LaPorte TX training for my new job (and got lots of cool goodies that made my brother jealous b/c he works for JVIC and didn’t have nay of those or any of the perks I will have once I start my position), and I have completed millions of (unpaid) hours of babysitting for my sister, who apparently is too much the idiot to cut loose the useless bastard who happens to be Nattie’s father but who could care less about either of them.

But we won’t go into that, except to say that -- somewhere deep inside her -- lies an intelligence that my sister is stubbornly refusing to tap. She is being an idiot. And I experience so much anger every time I think about it, that I am now going to MOVE ON TO ANOTHER TOPIC…

I would love to take a drive down to San Antonio and visit with all my friends there, especially since I’ve been so out of touch, but right now I really can’t afford it. There are no dollars currently coming into the coffers, only going out, so I’m being fiscally conservative. And taking a 5 hour drive, with gas at nearly $3/gallon doesn’t fall into that category. My dad offered to pay me $10 an hour to work for him over at the farm (that’s what he pays the guy who currently works for him) so I may be building fence and clearing brush this week. Who knows?

As far as JVIC is concerned, I’m hired and trained but am on “stand-by.” When Mo has a place to put me, he will. Word is that I will not be going to California as originally planned, but that instead I will be going to south LA between Baton Rouge and New Orleans for 2 weeks, then either to Pascagoula, Mississippi or somewhere else in southern Louisiana. Supposed to stay busy pretty much until Christmas, but the 1st job doesn’t start until October 9th. After a couple of jobs, they will put me on retainer and I’ll get a guaranteed 40 hours/week whether I’m working or not. But that means they’ll keep me busy, and I am definitely in need of that.

Did I mention that I’m going a little bit stir crazy? I need to feel like I am useful for my abilities besides washing dishes, folding laundry, or feeding and bathing babies. I think I’m growing less intelligent by the day with nothing to challenge me. I have almost needed to be rushed to the hospital due to a Fox News Channel overdose (though I am daily working hard to convince my Daddy that Bill O’Reilly is not God and thus release him from the grasp of the enemy). Yesterday I threatened my sister with bodily injury if she allowed the girls’ bedroom to return to the state it was in before I thoroughly cleaned it (including the dressers and the closet), primarily because I was pissed off at my mom for babying my dad and then bitching because he expects it.

But if you know me, then you know I will get by. For now, I keep busy by compiling a list of the groups of people my dad firmly believes are never to be believed because THEY ARE ALL LIARS; At the top of the list are Muslims and journalists -- so then…where does his beloved Bill fall, if not into the journalism category? But forgive me, Mr. O Reilly…I believe I am being a popinjay….

I'm home!!! Yay??

2006-07-06T14:25:00.000-07:00

I've been home now for 5 days and it still feels like I should be packing up for a return trip to San Antonio! I am hoping to go back to SA for the w/end of July 23rd for the UPD picnic at StMU, but I have to head to Baton Rouge for a few days of training soon and I don't know if that might interfere. If I'm meant to get in another quick visit, then it'll happen. If not, oh well. Everyone in SA knows I love & miss them.

I did decide this morning, however, that waking up whenever the hell I want is a really nice thing! So when Mo told me that things were kind of slow right now with work and it would be a little while before I came on, I certainly was not going to complain. I have already said that, ideally, I wouldn't have to go to Louisiana for good until about mid to late August. I like the idea of a month or so to rest and relax before going back to the daily grind!

I had Isabelle Sun-Weds and took her home yesterday afternoon. She was determined she wasn't staying at her house, was gonna leave again with mom and I, but mama needed a night off from babysitting and frankly, so did I. Isa's really gonna have a fit tomorrow when it's sister's turn to come stay at Nana's with Ya-Ya (my mama isn't up to having them both running around right now). But Isa kind of thinks I belong to her....

Nothing deep today, just enjoying he quiet. I finished Velocity, finally, now that I've had time to read, and I think I'll mow the lawn this afternoon and treat the pool so that we can swim tomorrow (we had about 4 days of rain and now it needs chemicals). My days have been babies and laundry and dishes since I got here, and boy am I loving it!!

I'm Almost Outta Here!

2006-06-23T18:59:00.000-07:00

Only one more week until I am gone! So sad...Yet so exciting! I'll be pulling out of here a week from Saturday, but not before I celebrate it a hundred times over: Fatso's with cop friends, drag show Tuesday night at The Saint, outing with the "Henry's Girls," and Friday night it's Johnny Carino's and The Devil Wears Prada.

I'm afraid I will cry. Deep down inside I am still cheering that I won't have to work with that woman any longer, but it gets buried further under a big, fat "Awww..." with every day that brings me nearer my departure. I think now that Amiee (My replacement, though can she really? Ever? Replace me, I mean.) is here, it is really beginning to feel more final. Teaching her check-ins today...Making arrangements to introduce her to Buddy & Susan tomorrow...Planning training for her and she whose name shall not be spoken for next week.

Wow! It's just really sinking in, that's all. And I'm really having mixed emotions, just like I knew I would. But it sure makes it easier to deal with HER in the office, that's for sure. And although I bitch because she never comes to work, I sure do enjoy not having her around!

Plus, Isa called and said she was ready for me to come get her, which I can't, of course, so I'm ready to go spend some quality time with my girls, with my mom, with my LIFE! I've forgotten what it's supposed to feel like to be your own person, make your own decisions and, in general, just live your own life.

Hey! Who knows? I might even find that I like it!

Another Sleepless Night

2006-06-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

The band campers are outside playing Red Rover and I can't sleep. It's not their fault. I'm exhausted from a non-stop weekend of Freshman Orientation, but I can't seem to just close my eyes and shut off my brain. I've played Bejeweled on my cell until the picture blurs before my eyes, but still sleep eludes me. I fear that just like last night and many nights before, I will want to sleep but be unable to until two in the morning (or later) and then drop into a heavy slumber that won't last nearly long enough to be restful, then wake in the morning, still as exhausted as I am now. I forget what it feels like to awaken refreshed.

Maybe it's just stress. I tried making a list of the things I worry that I need to do tomorrow, but that didn't help either, b/c it's more than worry. It's anger at the way things seem to be going here, it's frustration that I only have two weeks left in San Antonio with friends, it's excitement that I'm about to get a brief vacation and then start a new chapter in my life. All these things keep rolling around in my head and they make an awful racket that holds sleep handcuffed just a few short breaths away. It's early still, I know, but I can feel the heavy weight of the long night ahead.

"To sleep, perchance to dream." -- Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Hamlet and I, we are blood brothers tonight, though my wish is for only a short reprieve, not the eternal one for which the Dane longed. Just a small need, sleep, yet it affects everything you do and every minute of your day. Your mood, your perspective, your health, definitely the quality of your work. More or less taken for granted if you don't feel you need it, but boy, when you do...Doesn't it make you desperate?

Pleasant dreams, all.

2006-06-17T10:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really even any good at my job...And then I see people who aren't and I just know. Yeah, I am! (At least for the most part!)

This a.m. I had to address the parents and students at Orientation and go over res hall policies with them. Yeah, it was bad. I bet I said "um" about 3 dozen times. This should get easier, right? Last year I was way less nervous. It was weird. One of the exec-board SOAs spoke right before me and she was really nervous, and I guess I felt I should be too, for some reason. Like it was contagious or something. Ugh! Guess it's a good thing I only have to do it one more time....

I yelled at a ninja because I hate my family.

2006-06-16T16:42:00.000-07:00

(Christy & David will know what that means...)

I am supposed to be doing check-ins for Freshman Orientation, but some of my staff have decided to just hang out...I guess they have nothing better to do...So I have hopped on the UC staff computer to share today's two cents' worth...Which means I am unboundingly grateful for the opportunity to be lazy while they smile and answer and help their little hearts out.

I am in a much better mood today, at least now, b/c I have decided to write a series of letters to my supervisors and co-workers describing what I consider to be their best and worst job-related qualities. Sometimes I can't seem to make them listen to what I'm trying to say, so perhaps if I draw them a figurative picture, my words and their meaning will finally sink in. I don't want to burn any bridges, but there are sooo many things I want to say to a few of them, and which I'm not sure how they will take. Better to give them my thoughts on paper as I am going on my way, to be read and discarded or placed in my employment file or kept for personal reasons, at will, as each person I am too disheartened to confront can do individually, as he or she chooses. *My only worry is that it will grow into my "Memo" (Jerry Maguire), my legacy left behind.

Orientation is going ot kick my ass, as it does every year. I hate that I will be leaving right after, at a time when I will feel all used up, exhausted from 2-1/2 straight weeks of work, with no real time off. I'll have to move my things home bone-tired but ready to be done with this place. Not that I haven't enjoyed most of my time here, but that it is beyond that point where it should have come to a close and I should be moving on. I'm ready to move on. There are friends here whom I will miss tremendously, every day, perhaps shed a tear or two over occasionally, and some people I will be grateful to be away from everyday (those people I will miss so much know precisely the ones I won't).

Cranky Again Today

2006-06-15T14:57:00.000-07:00

I am feeling a little bit guilty today because I have been nastily cranky for the past couple of weeks and several of my staff members made pointed mention of it by yesterday afternoon. So today, although not quite up to standard nor able to truly "put on a happy face," I have sunk considerable effort into being at least a bit more tolerable. I laughed three times today.

In my defense, I need to say I feel that my lousy disposition has come about not entirely of its own volition, more that it has been antagonized into existence by certain beings with whom I am forced into proximity. Nor can I freely confess that I feel I have I been foul without reason. There have been numerous and varied causes to my irritability of late.

Let me list just a few:
1. My mom was at MD Anderson last Monday to have a surgeon slice open her neck and remove a tumor that (thankfully) proved benign, a fact which we could not know until it was taken out and thoroughly tested. Had it been malignant, they would have also removed both lymph nodes and done immediate radiation. Stress anyone?

2. I stayed at the hospital overnight with my mom b/c I love her and I was worried about her and b/c my dad can be an incompetent imbecile who serves only to get in the way but thinks that he is helping tremendously in times of crises. I tried desperately not to fret about the work not getting done b/c I was not here and dealt with the football camp coaches' crises as best I could via cell phone. The surgeon was busy, so Mama stayed an additional night. Therefore, I too did not leave Houston until late Wednesday morning, on the heels of my parents. Three missed days of work, one of which was unplanned. I'm lucky they didn't have to admit me...

3. Because I failed to send a response to an email inviting participation in yet one more event for Freshman Orientation this weekend, I was telephoned and not really given a choice about helping. When I suggested that my replacement could possibly take my place for the the second session (since she'll be here by then, and if I'm not mistaken, that's what replacements do - they replace you) I was shot down very quickly with the following response, "We really need someone who's done it before." Why? They do a training session. Everyone has to do it their first time once. She will always have to do it the first time before she'll have any experience. And when I asked roughly the same question about another responsibility, I was given basically the same answer. The response inside my head was basically the same as well.

But there was also a "Duh." A really big "duh". Sometimes I think the people I work with are all idiots, or they don't listen to the things they are saying when they say them, or my brain is just wired in a completely different way than everyone else here. Or maybe it's all three. Duh!

4. I have a certain co-worker (mentioned her b/4) who makes the same money I do, holds the same title I do, etc., etc., but who never has to come to work unless she wants to. I have 4 words for her that, even as I type them, severely piss me off:

It must be nice!!!

It must be nice to show up to work not at all on Monday, at 3:30 p.m. on Tuesday, and at 3:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Has anyone told you that office hours are 8am-4pm, Monday-Friday? It must be nice to not have to conform to that rigid a schedule! It must really be nice to walk into the office on Thursday at 10:20am and sit down at the computer in the middle of all my freakin' work and not even ask are you in my way? was I working there? did I need anything?, stay for almost 1 hour, then leave for the rest of the day. I am soooo tired of telling people I don't know where you are...Why are they still asking?

5. Orientation...Orientation...Orientation...2 weekends in a row, compounded with duty. A bazillion responsibilities, even though a)I won't be here next year and b)Not my secondary assignment. (Another Duh!) Sunday we literally work from 11am until midnight, in professional attire. Sucks, right? Only 2 more weeks ( exactly, from Saturday) of hellishness before I roll out of this town to freedom, temporary though it may be. UGH! Let me just say that I cannot wait!

Well, I don't know whether or not I will wake up tomorrow with the usual easy smile on my lips (which sometimes fails to appear until after the a.m. coffee input), but I do know that when Isabelle acts like I have been acting, I call her a "crank-butt" and make her take a nap.

Catching up on my life....

2006-06-04T11:39:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time, I know. A WHOLE MONTH!! Wow. I forgot to even miss this, I've been so damn busy. I even had Isa come and stay with me for two nights, then had to meet Rachael in Bryan to pass her off. I felt like a divorced dad when I pulled into the McDonald's....

My life is all in boxes and conference contracts right now. I am living in a temporary apartment and half of my summer staff is brand spanking new and a couple of those are just not naturals at approaching people they don't know, even if it's for a purpose. The great thing about the temp housing is that it's directly across the hall from the Summer Programs office so I'm never (rarely) late to work now that I have to be in at 8 every morn.

This whole "Summer Programs" idea, though mine (and a good one with other players, I suppose), is really biting me in the ass right about now. I am sharing office space with a woman that I absolutely cannot stand (at least for four out of every five minutes that I'm around her). I admit, though a bit begrudgingly, that she is not Satan. I know this. There is some good in her, though it is rarely directed at me.

There is, however, also much that is not to like. She is lazy; she repeatedly tasks my staff with work that she should be doing herself. She supervises 2 summer RAs but has no staff that does office work with her because there really isn't more than one person can handle. I, on the other hand, have 7 staff members who work directly under me and in the office for me (the RAs complete their office hours in the Res. Life office) because there is so much to do to prep for the coming summer conferences. Last year I even had an office assistant, but thanks to my bright idea to combine Summer Housing and Summer Conferences into "Summer Programs" and work out of 1 office, I thought it would also be smart to eliminate that position. But that's how much work I have. I had to tell her on Friday that my staff could not work for her b/c they had their own work to do. She is a supervisor. She should know that.

I will be out of town on Monday and Tuesday b/c my mom is having surgery at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. I'll write more after I get back.

2006-05-03T15:13:00.000-07:00

Me? Blog? Are you kidding? I am closing my building, doing staff evals, preparing for summer and staff training, and to top it all off, I am injured. Don't expect to hear from me till mid-May. (Unless someone completely pisses me off and I have nowhere else to vent!)

I heard on the radio this morning that the 3 most stressful events in a person's life are 1) getting married, 2) changing careers, and 3) moving. I am currently in the process of doing 2 of those while closing one building and planning for summer. Agh! I'll be lucky if I have any hair left at all in 2 weeks' time!

Oh, yeah, and I also have to decorate and clean up for a luncheon for my division taht falls right smack in the middle of summer staff training...still not sure how I will work that one out!

Update

2006-04-28T09:46:00.000-07:00

Yes, I've been lax lately in writing -- here's why:

1. I had a four day Easter Break. Family, food, and fun! Most importantly, NOT WORK!!
2. Fiesta Oyster Bake was last weekend. That involved, among other things, 2 solid days of duty with a radio directly connected to the University Police dispatchers, over 70,000 people coming onto our campus, and preparing my first-year students for the experience. Did I mention the inconvenience of the prison fencing that goes up all over campus?
3. I have had residents moving homeless internet boyfriends from the Midwest to San Antonio, others who are failing out of school, one who has to move his roommate's huge pile of dirty laundry off his own bed every night in order to sleep in it, one who took off before Easter with an ex's thirty-ish brother (she's eighteen, remember) and said she was never coming back but then called frantic friends b/c she needed a ride to SA (guess who spent all their money at Oyster Bake?), and a girl who's planning to leave for a tropical paradise, without telling parents, to live with some guy she met on the internet and with whom she spent one weekend having sex and barely coming up for air. I swear it's all true...You just can't make this stuff up! Jeez! And I think I should also say this -- ever notice that it's always the quiet ones!!!
4. And now I am leaving in 7 minutes to go home and see my Isabelle (who just called and when I asked her what she was doing, replied sweetly, "I'm waiting for you, Ya-Ya!") and my Natalie for the weekend. It's Battle of the Flowers and all the campus offices close at noon. Woo-hoo!

Later, folks!

2006-04-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

"If I had to be blind, I'd want a seeing-eye midget. Screw seeing-eye dogs."
E-Rod, last Wednesday night

Obituary for Common Sense

2006-04-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student, but could not
inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife, Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility, and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Another TV Shocker!!

2006-04-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

I am FLOORED that Mandisa was voted off of American Idol last night! She may have a huge ass, but she’s also got a mega-watt personality and an incredible voice!! So what if she had one bad night…How many bad nights has Bucky Covington had? And Ace Young? And Kellie Pickler? And as much as I am a fan of Taylor Hicks, even I have to admit that he’s not very marketable, nor is he versatile – if he has to sing something out of his regular playground, he usually drops the ball. (I'm kind of nervous about the coming week's attempt to master a Queen anthem, actually. Or maybe the word I'm looking for is not nervous, but nauseous.)

Plus, every week that Bucky (who is a T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E singer) remains untouched on this show, I swear that I am done with American Idol. However, the following week I tune in and watch in morbid fascination as several of them butcher otherwise wonderful songs, anticipating a Wednesday night removal of the bucktoothed, redneck, Kid Rock wannabe after an atrocious Tuesday night performance. And every week I am disappointed.

Why, America, WHY???

2006-04-05T08:08:00.000-07:00

I saw something sad on television last night (though some would call it sad that I watch so much television to begin with) on a Discovery Channel show called Cash Cab. The premise is that people in the city get into what they think is just any cab, but once inside the driver explains that they are on a TV game show. They get to answer questions for money all the way to their destination, but if they get 3 questions wrong, the driver puts them out at the curb.

This couple had, between them, gotten $475 dollars and were on their last question..."Name one of the 4 gospels of the New Testament." They actually had to stop and ask someone on the street because they had absolutely no idea. They knew a lot of other useless crap, but apparently very little about the Bible. All kinds of pop culture questions (the 4 amounts started at $25 and progressed after a couple of question, etc., plus at this point they already had 2 strikes) were answered without hesitation, but this one question stumped them.

All I could think was, "WOW. How sad -- for them and for society."

“Therefore if a man look sharply and attentively, he shall see Fortune; for though she be blind, yet she is not invisible.” Francis Bacon

2006-03-27T14:51:00.000-08:00

I started a new story today...It will be about the lives of several women and how they all have the same feelings that no one really cares, even though they all lead very different lives and each of them, observing the others, would think the other women "have it all."

Here is a brief excerpt:

My name is Alicia. I am the Invisible Girl. I don’t mean I’m a superhero. Quite the contrary. It’s more like my absolute lack of anything resembling super-powers makes me nearly impossible to notice. I wander through my days, hidden within my own life.

I am the girl in the office whom people do not see. Sometimes I look down at my own hands and expect them to be a misty representation of the flesh that is actually there and am surprised when my fingers, wiggling in wonderment, are more solid than an apparition.

Last week, another girl in the office spoke to me at a moment when it wasn’t even necessary. Both her words and their content startled me.

She said, in a tone of strange curiosity, “You look pretty today,” as if she wondered that she had even noticed. I wondered as well. Had she seen me for the first time today?

Nothing about my appearance was different, so I replied with, “I’m wearing new mascara.” Perhaps it is comments like this, with absolutely zero interest or enthusiasm, which make me indiscernible to the naked eye.

Comments?

2006-03-23T21:27:00.000-08:00

Tash: "I found out this weekend that my right boob is my lucky boob."
me: "Really? I thought that in general either both boobs got lucky or neither did..."

Club Res. Life

2006-03-23T21:05:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in my office, taking a break from work, while Club Marian is in full swing outside my door. Currently, there are two DJs set up in my residence hall, one on the 1st floor, one on the second. We have multicolored lights, a strobe lights, a bubble machine, and floors covered in balloons. And my residents are having a blast. Thank goodness it is only for a couple of hours!!

When I was an RA, we never came up with a programming idea this cool, but then, none of us were DJs, either. One of my RAs is a DJ and recruited one of his friends to help him by spinning on the other floor. But it is keeping them in on a Thursday night and hopefully keeping them away from the alcohol, and maybe reinforcing that when they go out, they don't need alcohol to dance and have a good time!

I need to write a letter and do some judicial file upkeep, so I figure that if I have to be on-the-job from 10 till midnight, I will actually get some work done. I'm just going to peek in on them periodically. I know, I know...I am such an old stick in the mud, huh? But this is the time of the night I've usually got my PJs on and am finally getting to watch my nightly dose of HGTV. Not so tonight, so I'll try to catch up on stuff that should've been done today except I had to do Homesteading and 1:1s and Summer Staff training planning meetings and be on duty (had an unusually high number of serious call-outs during the day).

Oh, and Happy Birthday, peacegrrl!!!

Blackout Central

2006-03-22T05:10:00.000-08:00

I just returned from spending the night in a vacant staff apt across campus with nothing but my laptop to keep me company (So why didn't I blog last night? You might ask. My answer is: Shut up. I don't know.) due to a power outage in my building -- the third one in the past month & the second forced evacuation of the hall. Bleh.

The 1st outage was due to human error. The construction people building the new bell tower hit a high voltage line. We were in the dark for roughly 12 hours, all during the daytime. The 2nd was a "planned" outage during Spring Break where we were notified only late Friday afternoon that the power would be off on the following Thursday (mind you, this is SB Fri., and no one is around by 3:30 PM when the email goes out). This time we (I, actually, as the DOD) evacuate 2 res halls and the campus shuts down at noon b/c two halls, 4 classroom buildings, and one home on campus are affected. We were in the dark for about 17 hours so they could actually repair what had just been "patched" during the last outage. Even I was forced to relocate temporarily, and I slept about a combined 2 hours all night long.

This time, another evacuation, and the power affects only 3 bldgs on campus, mine being the only residence hall, and I am informed around lunchtime that I must find all of my residents, tell them they need to find somewhere else to stay for the night b/c we're closing the building down, and have them let me know where they are staying. (miraculously, I have a list with locations of all but about 4 of my 128 residents.) I have to make my staff sleep on the floor in the lounges of two other halls, angry parents are calling b/c we're asking their kids to stay with a friend for the night, the light is off from 7:40 AM Tuesday to about 2:45 AM on Wednesday and somehow I managed to sleep pretty well, actually!

Hopefully we will remain fully powered for the rest of the year! Agh!

Duty in a Ghost Town

2006-03-12T10:17:00.000-08:00

I have been here all weekend b/c I was on duty Friday night and last night...But I have never had a weekend that was so interminably slow. Next week is Spring Break for the students, but the University is still open, so we all have to work. That's fine with me! I'll be able to get more work done in that one week than I have in the entire rest of the semester up to this point! All my contracts can get done and go out to the SC groups, both offices can be completely filed/organized/cleaned, and I can actually, though I am on duty both Tuesday and Thursday nights, get some much needed rest!

Saturday morning I didn't even wake up until around 11:55. It's been months since I've slept until noon! And even longer since I actually awoke and felt rested. I only wake up feeling refreshed about once every six months or so. I really hate those people who get all rejuvenated while they're sleeping. Who do they think they are?

But the silence is wonderful.

Yesterday afternoon I scared the daylights out of one of my residents b/c there are so few people around. I heard her in the laundry room and poked my head in to say hello and she jumped about three feet off the floor, startled. Of course, it startled me, too, when I heard her rummaging around in a room I assumed was empty! I was just minding my own business, headed down to the Pepsi machine. It gave us both a good laugh, though.

I'm looking forward to peacefulness for a few days. I hope I'm not disappointed.

Yes, I cry

2006-03-10T17:02:00.000-08:00

Today I went into Jackie's office and started bawling about how we lost a big group for the summer that would've brought in about 3/4 of my annual salary in income (I promise it's not that much) and how I couldn't do anything about it. They didn't want to put their interns into the cells in TR, tho who could blame them? One look at the sample room and the boss lady might as well have said "Not no, but HELL NO!" That was what her expression was shouting at me. Of course now, five hours and one hellacious mutha of a roommate conflict later, I am angry rather than teary-eyed. Angry that I allowed myself to feel that it was my fault that buildings are closed every seven years for routine repairs, angry that we might not even get NYSP and yet they still have all of the friggin' campus reserved for all of June so I had to turn down a camp that would have made us $13,500 in only 4 days, furious that the caf people give me a hard time b/c I don't bring them enough money making camps during the summer (cheer & athletic camps provide them with the most bucks) yet NYSP occupies everything for June and TJBWT occupies everything for July-- that leaves space only for small professional conferences which require few conference rooms and for church camps who only stay in housing but use little to none of our facilities.

UGH!!

Summer Staff Selection is ended. Woo-hoo!

2006-03-09T15:44:00.000-08:00

I know it's been ages, but now my summer staff has all been interviewed and selected. What a relief! Even though I will only be with them until June 30th, it is an extremely personal thing to pick a staff, especially for the summer.

Summer staff teams tend to be much more laid-back and close-knit than during the academic year, just because most of their other friends are gone and there is more time on their hands so they end up really getting to know each other well and hanging a lot more than they do when they're all taking 18 hours and planning 4 programs a semester and all the campus activities are running full-tilt and there's Rush to worry about (Ahem! Recruitment, I meant to say) and work-study hours to complete...Well, you catch my drift, anyway. Plus, we tried really hard to select an equal combination of reslifers and non-RAs for the Summer Assistant staff.

I think we did very well, and just by the virtue of their work habits, my successor will be left with a cake job! I've already done (or am currently in the process of doing!) all the hard stuff! By the time July rolls around, even Orientation will be done. Man, I am good!!!

But now I have to run and work on all the stuff that got ignored for a week so that could be done. The cycle of ugliness (a.k.a. work) really never ends, does it?

A Bear Named Monkey

2006-02-23T14:26:00.000-08:00

Remember how for Christmas I bought Isabelle and Natalie bears from Build-A-Bear Workshop b/c neither had ever had a real teddy bear before? Well, Isa named hers "Monkey," I guess because we have always called her Monkey as an endearment (i.e., peanut, pumpkin, etc.). So it means only that she loves her baby! Anyway, Isabelle's birthday was last Sunday, so for her gift, I bought her and Monkey matching little outfits...They are going to be so cute together!!!

And I'm taking a "mental health day" tomorrow so I can leave tonight to go home (I'm DOD on Sunday and I have to go do my car registration tomorrow at the Anderson Co. courthouse, 5 hours away) so I'll also be attending the birthday party. It was lovingly postponed so that Ya-Ya could participate (Isabelle reminds me everyday that she had a birthday and she's waiting for me) and she's only 3...so not really day-specific about stuff. Besides, to her everything will be "on Wednesday." Always "on Wednesday." Anything you ask her, that's her answer. Apparently hump day is her favorite. Maybe she likes the sound of the word...

And I will be spending my Saturday afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese's. Secretly, I'm excited. Call me a big kid, but I always have fun there. It's almost as much fun to watch the little ones giggling with glee as it is too play stuff yourself. I'm obviously not the only adult-child-thing out there, or Dave & Buster's wouldn't exist. But I admit that Chuck E. Cheese is nearly as much fun!!

It's gonna be a long trip, b/c I've been up reading the last couple of nights. I never was one of theose people who could read themselves to sleep...I do just the opposite. I read myself awake. As the book gets better an dbetter, I get more into it and farther from sleep. I've always been that way. If I'm reading a good book at night, sometimes I'll glance at the clock and it'll be 5:30 a.m. and then your whole coming day is shot to hell 'cause there's no point even attempting to sleep then. I'm reading Odd Thomas by Dean Koontz, and I will finish it tonight, after I get to my mom's house, but I'm not looking forward to that 5 hour drive through work traffic on very little sleep!

Wish me luck!

2006-02-22T09:08:00.000-08:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

- Dr. Seuss

2006-02-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

"i like my body when it is with your body. it is so quite a new thing. muscles better and nerves more."

e. e. cummings

30 Questions About Me

2006-02-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

Okay, okay, I know I am not keeping up like I should, but it has been totally busy around here. So here are 30 stupid questions about me answered for all of you (yes, it was an email questionnaire, but I figure y'all could just read it here...No forwarding):

1. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES? Purple with fruit on them

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING RIGHT NOW? When would I have time to read? I am 1/2-way thru "100 People Who Are Screwing Up America," which I got for Christmas. All the progress that I made in it was done on the day that I had jury duty. I picked up "Odd Thomas" by Dean Koontz over the weekend and just started it last night. It's good!

3. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't have one in the office...At home, Scooby Doo

4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? Any Trivial Pursuit or Scene It? game

5. DO YOU DRINK COFFEE OR ESPRESSO? Both, and as often as possible

6. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE
MORNING? All the stuff that I have to do that day

7. FAVORITE COLOR? I don't think I have one

8. LEAST FAVORITE COLOR? mustard yellow or bright orange

9. HOW MANY RINGS UNTIL YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? Usually about three, b/c I have to find it 1st and after 4, voicemail picks up

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME? I don't think I'll ever have anykids...I always wanted Olivia, but Rachael used that one...For a boy, maybe Warner after Granddaddy Bob

11. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? vanilla

12. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Only when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere or making a long trip

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Of course not

14. DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? My favorite weather other than snow

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? A pinkish-brown Pontiac T-1000 hatchback. I have no idea what year it was, just that it was old

16. WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? Scorpio

17. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? yes

18. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB WHAT WOULD IT BE? A shop to sell coffee/ jewelry that I make/ books

19. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY COLOR HAIR, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Dark, rich red

20. IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY? half full

21. FAVORITE MOVIE? The Spitfire Grill

22. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? No...I never learned

23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED? Nothing but dust bunnies...I always forget I can store stuff under there

24. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Basketball, I guess, but none on TV...HOCKEY!!

25. YOUR SINGLE BIGGEST INTENSE PAIN? Right now? My job! Last week? Isabelle...Who used crayons on every surface in my office! Ugh!

26. KETCHUP OR MUSTARD? Heinz ketchup and only Heinz

27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Winter where it snows...or autumn

28. THE BEST PLACE YOU HAVE EVER BEEN? I was only like 15, but I will always remember how beautiful Coeur D'Alene, Idaho was when we were just coming down out of the mountains and rounding the lake at sunset...Totally beautiful! My summer in Gunnison was awesome, too!

29. WHAT SCREEN SAVER IS ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT NOW? A picture of the guys from the TV show McLeod's Daughters (which I love, love, love!)

30. FAVORITE FAST FOOD? Tater tots from Sonic or fried clams from Long John Silver's

Think you learned anything new?????

Snowed Under in 75 Degrees...

2006-02-14T13:35:00.000-08:00

I am absolutely so busy that I cannot stand it! When I leave the office...Late, of course...I don't have the energy to do anything other than plop onto the couch and doze in the evenings...Rachael and the babies just left on Sunday afternoon and my apt is still a shambles...I took WW's duty tonight and he owes me a big, fat Valentine for doing so (though I am used to spending v-day alone)...What else is there? I have judicial letters to get out tomorrow, as well as letters directing the sleeping bag hosts in their duties on Sunday...Oh, hell! I still have to do Sleeping bag Weekend assignments!

Oh yeah, and a co-worker just told me our dean thinks we need to be given another standard task, b/c the Hall Directors don't do enough work! Whatever!

Nail Polish Remembered

2006-02-01T14:52:00.000-08:00

This morning while I waited for the shower to warm up (and all you eco-conscious types don't jump on me! In my building, if I don't run the water for a minute, then I have take Arctic showers, which are okay in SA in the summer but not so great on our chilly winter mornings!) Anyway, I painted my nails really quickly (because the best time to polish your nails is right before a shower so that anything you get on your skin comes off when you shampoo your hair **a little tip**) and I suddenly remembered being twelve and having peel-off nail polish!

Does anyone else remember when Cover Girl came out with that? It totally sucked because you'd spend so much time painting your nails (it was a lot harder when I was a preteen, for some reason) and then everytime you'd wash your hands it would start coming off in rubbery little globs. Now someone else has a line of peel-off polish. And strangely, despite the bad memories, I think I might order me some. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment!

Talked to my boss today...

2006-01-30T11:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I did it! I went in and sat down in JV's office and had a long chat about my leaving, how long I could stay if they needed me to, etc., but he said he doesn't think that I'll have to stay past the end of June (my contract is up June 25th) though I offered to finish out the summer if there still was no one to take over my position. He asked me about my plans and I told him about trying to go to work with my dad, or anything that would help me to make more money so that I can do more wit my life/ free time. JV tried to talk me out of leaving Student Affairs, told me that I had a wonderful gift for working with students, and that he thought I should finish my M.Ed. and keep climbing the ladder. I told him, point-blank, that I had thought long & hard about it and had decided that I didn't want the stress or responsibility or scrutiny of being a dean or a VP or even a director of ResLife somewhere, especially with the trend in students today and the need that parents seem to have for you to finish raising their children for them. That's a responsibility I have decided I don't want.

You know, when I was in college, I only called my mom once a week. We had the Sunday afternoon tradition, unless something was up (like I was broke so I needed to utilize her home as a laundromat, and I'd of course get a dinner out of the deal). But if I wasn't there or didn't answer, she'd leave me a message like, "Just checking to see if you're still alive...Give me a call when you want." She'd just figure I was busy or didn't want to talk to her. She WOULD NOT EVER have called University Police or Residence Life or my Hall Director to have them check on me because I didn't answer the 5 million (caller id'ed, I might add) times she'd tried to ring me on my cell phone. Whatever!

But anyway, now everything seems so final. I realize I still have another 5 months before I'm out of here (and, just my luck, I'll have to move once to relocate so they can work on MA Hall before I even have to move for good -- which means I'll be living out of boxes all summer). I have been telling my staff in 1:1s that I'm not coming back, since last week in The Caf someone from another building asked me if I was coming back next year...I didn't want them to hear through the grapevine before they heard it from me. That would suck for all of us! E-Rod and I were talking about ultimate, long-term goals and he didn't think my idea of a restaurant with my bro was such a stupid idea as it often seems to me if I think about it too much.

Well, Rach is coming to stay with me for a couple of weeks so Mama can have a break from the babies...I have warned everyone that if I'm acting crazier than usual, well, that's why. My staff is a mixture of excited and unsure over the prospect of there being babies in the hall. But I am overjoyed that Isa will be with me, and Rach & I don't get to visit too often. They will be here Thursday afternoon, and I'm sure Isa will be accompanying me to the office some. I hope I can still get plenty of work done!

Another Friday Night with No Plans...

2006-01-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

Yep. That's my life. Another entire weekend with no plans, except that I'm going to cover duty for jab on Saturday morning. ugh! But the Jimmy Buffet I'm listenng to is managing to keep my spirits floating somewhere higher than "desolate."

My weekend...

2006-01-25T10:05:00.000-08:00

I had Jury Duty last Wednesday, and it seriously took ALL DAY! They released me at about 3 in the afternoon after determining I was unworthy of sitting on one of their Bexar County juries. Thank goodness, since I left that afternoon to go home. I figured, what the hell, I have 2 vacation days left, so I took Thursday and Friday off and went home to help my mom and sis out for the weekend. It was the longest 4 days of my life, I think!

Saturday night Isa wanted to spend the night with her cousin Devin, which she would only do if Ya-Ya stayed with her, so I slept on the couch at Aunt Mary's. Isa is mostly potty-trained after staying with me over the holidays, but she still wears a diaper at night. I had to fight with and spank her to put a diaper on her that night. When I sat her down to calm her and have a "big girl talk" with her, I discovered it was because she was heartbroken that she had to wear a diaper in front of Devin (who is 5). I told her that Devin went through this herself, so she would understand, but Isabelle continued to cry those big, rolling tears of disappointment. Devin chimed in with, "Guess what I did one time, Isabelle. One time I threw up scrambled eggs all over my granny's bed." And magically, Isa was fine. The tears dried up. She simply needed to know that Devin had flaws too.

A History of Hysterectomies

2006-01-17T10:00:00.000-08:00

My sis had all her female stuff taken out yesterday...bleh! Not only painful, but kinda sad. Not that it was unexpected. With all the procedures she's had in the last year and a half, her insurance company didn't even protest, in spite of the fact that she's only 27 years old. Her doc also said they biopsied some other tissues while they were poking around inside of her "just to make sure there were no more bad cells" but that everything seems to be alright. He was going to throw in an appendectomy, just for giggles, but she had too much scar tissue to bother unless she REALLY needed it out...

My mom and her 3 sisters all had to have hysterectomies. Mama was 33 or 34 when she had hers and she was the oldest of them when the procedure was performed. Scary, huh? Wonder what the future holds for me?

Anyhow, Rach is really sore, but she is doing okay so far. No fever or anything. Just pain. She'll probably go home from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon if everything remains like it is. Her Dr. told her she's had 2 ceseareans so this would be a piece of cake for her. Rach's response? "He lied."

Playing Post-Holiday Catch-Up

2006-01-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm finally back and recovered from the Christmas break enough to actually take a break and blog. Don't you just love how everyone seems to want to schedule meetings and get everything they SHOULD HAVE done before the holiday done in the first day or two you come back?

We technically began work again last Tuesday, Jan. 3rd, but I took a vacation day b/c Isa and my bro were still hanginÂ at my placeÂThey left after lunch on Wednesday and Isabelle occupied her morning in my office while Matt packed up all of his things (I loaded IsabratÂs bag the night before) and then she went over to Res. Life with me to check my mail so that Matt could get the car packed up without her under his feet (we brought her bike, toys, movies, portable DVD player for the car, etc., so it did require a couple of minutes). But I sent her home potty-trained and ready to see her NanaÂOnce she got through crying b/c she wanted to stay with Ya-Ya forever.

About five minutes after they left, I almost started to cry at the quiet in the building, so I called my Mama under the pretense of letting her know theyÂd just hit the road. Really I just got this terrible feeling of homesickness/already missing Isa. ThatÂs okay. She didnÂt know. I played it off. And Mama was due a call anyway.

Then I took a sick day on Thursday. I was awakened by the reappearance of the previous nightÂs dinner at about 4:30 am. It was not pretty. More than any other illness, I hate, despise, LOATHE vomiting. Even at 30, thatÂs the one time I want my Mama there to hold my hand. IÂve always been terrified by it.

Apparently it wasnÂt just me. The noxious, detestable stomach bug is making his way around. The whore. My boss was out with it Monday. Well, heyÂIf you canÂt start trends, at least you can be credited with SOMETHING, right?

Christmas
The holiday was nice. Because I had to be back in SA for duty on the 28th, I didnÂt get to see everyone I wanted to, but AKS and I had a nice visit Â she is back in East Texas, living & working in Tyler Â and we discussed our individual plans for the future. ItÂs really great to have friends that you know will be your friends for your entire life, no matter how old you are, or how cranky you are, or how many bad decisions you make which screw up your life exponentially, and with whom you can sit down and have a conversation that is never awkward or jagged, no matter how long itÂs been since you were last face-to-face. **Thanks, peacegrrl. I know that youÂre one too.**

The babies got far more toys than they have room for, Rachael got clothes that are actually big enough to fit her, and I got kitchen gadgets (a Home CafÃ©, a Magic Bullet) and jewelry, etc. I also had to go into a music store to buy something for my dad from my mom, and vice versa, when I went shopping in Tyler with my brother and b/c the only store I work harder at avoiding than a mustoretore is a shoepurchasedof course purchaesed music for myself. Woo-hoo!! I managed to find a Glen Campbell greatest hits collection with all his best and I picked up an Amos Lee CD -- saw him late-night on Austin City Limits a few months ago and have wanted it ever since.

Best of all, Matt gave me the money to pay for my glass workshops, my kiln, my torch, and my supplies! It made me cry buckets. I don't think anyone's ever done something so special for me/supportive of me. Makes me feel like they (The Fam) might not think I'm an idiot for having dreams, after all. Who'd a thunk it?

Christmas Present Quandaries

2005-12-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

At Christmastime everything gets so hectic that I have little time for anything, blogging included. It takes twice as long to get anywhere because of traffic and double the time to do anything else like shop or eat out because of the hordes of consumers who flock like rabid dogs to stores to make purchases they more than likely can't afford for friends and family and that guy in Accounting that they don't really know, but whose name they were unlucky enough to draw in the annual Secret Santa office ritual.

I drew Nadeem. I wracked my brain for days, thinking, "What does he like?" The only answers I came up with? Chocolate, soccer, chocolate, electronics, and more chocolate. This is a guy who pours chocolate milk over his cocoa puffs every mornign and considers that a more than acceptable breakfast. Bleh!! So I have decided on a gift: A batch of brownies and a $25 gift card to Best Buy. The card has been pourchased and baking supplies are on hand to be combined in time for the gathering next Sunday night.

So that means I'm almost done with my shopping...My family's packages are all purchased and wrapped, ready to be loaded into the car on the 20th for the trek to P-town. My Secret Santa gift is now finito, so all I have left to do is purchase gifts for my staff! This is tricky because: 1)I'm chinchy (frugal is nicer but not altogether accurate), 2) there are 8 of them, 4 guys & 4 girls, and 3) I want the gifts to have personal meaning, but I don't want there to be any perceived favoritism. As of this moment, I have absolutely no idea what I could get for them that is not gender-specific and that they would all enjoy without having to spend too much money.

I'm also supposed to bring a $5 gift to Bunk-o on Wednesday night rather than the cash, but I will probably just wrap up a necklace or bracelet that I've made...THough Margaret makes jewelry as well adn probably wouldn't consider that a very fun gift. Oh, well! No time for anything else. Besides, what can you get for $5 these days???

To a friend today...

2005-12-06T15:20:00.000-08:00

From an email to a friend:
I’m sorry to hear about the disillusionment you have suffered at the hands of a stupid boy. I wish I had it in me to be a lesbian. I think my life would be easier. Women are much more understanding and sensitive…and jealous and catty and needy…Nah, guess I’m much better off mooning after men who won’t have me. Pathetic, sì? But it’s my life. *sigh* Seriously, though, I really am sorry. And although it’s trite, “Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” right? Me, I’m 30 now and have never been in love. I haven’t been in a relationship since college. When asked, I tell guys that I don’t date, which I’ve turned into a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, but it’s because I’m disappointed in the caliber of the men who ask (not physically…we’re talking intelligence, sensitivity, caring, etc.) I’m not so shallow as to turn someone down on the basis of appearance. Wouldn’t that be a twisted kind of hypocrisy?

Plus, it's safer this way. No way to end up like my brother, my sister, or my parents.

Yep, I'm still thirty, and other atrocities...

2005-12-02T23:28:00.000-08:00

I have been 30 for twelve days now. Funny, I don't feel any different. And so far not too many people have asked my age lately. It's easy to forget about it right now with the holidays and how busy everything is at work. In 2 weeks, when the students are gone and it's just me, by myself, will I be able to forget about it then?? Doubtful.

Saw Rent tonight with a friend. Good thing he was there. I'd have looked like an idiot bawling like that all alone.

Wrote a bio for the art shop my jewelry is in. Turned out to be just cheesy crap. I apparently have nothing of value to say about myself or my craft.

Tired. Have a full day of nothing special tomorrow, and Lord knows that takes energy. Better get to bed soon.

Happy Birthday to Me?

2005-11-21T10:28:00.000-08:00

Is it really so happy? I have officially been thirty (according to clock, calendar, and law) for twelve and a half hours now. Guess I have to edit my profile now...I am no longer approaching the big 3-0, I have hit that bad boy head on!

I have been so worked up over it that I haven't been sleeping well, and yesterday I woke up at 4:52 a.m., tossed and turned but couldn't turn off my brain until 6:41 a.m., then finally gave up and got up. Then last night I was finally able to drift off at a little after 12, then some friends, some staff, and a few residents woke me up at 1:30 to sing happy birthday to me outside my apartment, bearing roses and a luscious chocolate torte. So we sat around in the lobby, me in my pj's, until a little after 2 a.m. laughing and having cake. If I'd been turning 26, it would've been a perfect moment.

I don't feel any different, of course, just like every other year that has passed, except when someone asks me how old I am now and I haven't yet been able to stop the cringe, or at least internalize it, before answering.

There is just something about telling people I'm thirty that feels wrong down to the toenails of my soul.

I Just Can't Keep It In...

2005-11-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

I am so nervous/excited/freaked out that I just had to say something!!!

Yesterday the bazaar went really well for me. I sold about half of the jewelry and scarves I had made, yet most people reported that they sold very little. But even better than that, one woman bought several pieces of jewelry from me and asked me to make more for her hill country gift shop! I couldn't believe it...I'm still in shock, actually!

I thought she was just making conversation when she asked me if I had a full craft show/bazaar circuit for the holiday season, and so I told her I wasn't going to any other sales. She seemed surprised and asked me how I usually sold my pieces, and when replied that the bazaar was my first sale and I had only been making jewelry for a couple of months, she said that she thought my work was beautiful and that I had a great eye for color and design. Then she started telling me about her gift shop. She said she was trying to create a place for local artisans to sell their work and asked me if I would be interested.

I about died! She's lucky I didn't throw up on her, really she is, because I was so incredibly nervous. Those were some of the worst butterflies I've ever had in my life! This is exactly what I want SO MUCH but thought wouldn't happen for a long time! I mean, I'd just sold my very first piece of jewelry about an hour and a half before she came by and was still getting used to the fact that someone would actually be walking around wearing something I had made (and gifts don't count, because just because you give someone something doesn't mean they'll like and wear it but if they pay good money for it, it means they truly WANT it).

I shared with her that I wanted to learn to make my own beads and eventually, after I had a good body of what I thought of as really creative work, then I'd planned to try and start designing for a store. I never dreamed anything would happen so quickly! I also told her that I had a friend who was going to build me a website and that I had thought about looking for a local venue to sell my jewelry eventually, after I had gained more experience. She bought some stuff and wants me to write up a short bio for artist's bio cards for the shop, and of course, wants me to make some colorful jewelry to show her.

We exchanged information and she told me all about the shop. I'm going to get directions from her and she invited me to drive out on Saturday and visit, so once I'm done with my Saturday at St. Mary's duties, I'm planning to go have a gander at the location. It's in Waring, Texas, which is apparently where her husband grew up.

Just typing this, I'm getting all nervous again! But I am so unbelievably excited! Perhaps some dreams do come true after all. Now if keep working at this, maybe my dream of having a glass studio in my hometown is really a possibility in the future, huh?

Who ever said, "When I grow up, I want to write a novel and design beaded jewelry?" I guess I should have...

2005-11-09T15:15:00.000-08:00

The day has been so long! WOW! Every minute has been occupied, up until now, and I still have so much that hasn’t yet been done! No wonder I’m already so far behind on my NaNo project. At least it’s only the beginning of week #2, so there’s still hope!

I was out sick yesterday…Had a really bad headache and took a pain killer for it that knocked me out completely…I took the meds at around 10 a.m. and when I woke up, the clock read 4:08 p.m. I was certainly well rested when I awoke this morning! But all it really means is that I am another day behind in work and NaNoWriMo and jewelry making for Monday’s Christmas Bazaar.

I’m really nervous about the bazaar. What if nobody likes my stuff? What if I have over-priced all my earrings and necklaces and no one wants to buy them? Then I have spent a lot of money on supplies and I guess I will be giving them as Christmas gifts. But I’d prefer to sell some of it. I brought home everything I had made for the bazaar and showed it to my mom over the weekend. She looked through everything and she was actually surprised at how creative some of it was and how good I have gotten.

That made me feel like maybe I wasn’t completely nuts for wanting to do this, because, ultimately, I’d like to create jewelry pieces for a living. Once I get a website going (I have a friend who will make it for me, free of charge, b/c he is building his portfolio) I would like to try more expensive pieces, start making and selling my own beads, maybe dabble in art clay silver. The best would be if I could design for a store, but I need lots of work before I even start talking to people about that.

For now, I’m going to work the bazaar, make pieces for the website, and keep planning out new designs. And I’m going to a bead show on Saturday. Oh, and my mom requested I make a necklace for her to give to my cousin for Christmas and that made me feel pretty good, too.

Maybe I don’t suck at this after all?

I just woke up foul....

2005-11-03T08:09:00.000-08:00

Do you ever just wake up with this unexplained anger? When Isabelle is that way, we call her "foul." Well, I woke up foul at 7:45 this morning, let me tell you!

Before I got into the shower I was trying to braid my hair, and though I always have a little bit of difficulty with the left one (I'm right handed after all, and an idiot with my left hand), it took three times to get it to look even halfway decent. By the third braid, I was emitting expletives I'd be ashamed to have my mother hear coming out of my mouth. Over my hair...Which I really don't care much about or usually do anything with....

When I realized what I was doing, and how I was churning inside with rage over something so stupid, I forced myself into a take-a-deep-breath-and-sit-quietly-for-a-moment time out. Maybe it was because I had no scent of coffee tickling my nostrils, maybe it was because I've been insanely busy at work for the past two weeks and am lucky I'm not sporting bald spots at the urges I've had to pull my hair out, maybe it was because I was still running on morning I.Q., or maybe it was just because, deep down, as my cousin CE always says: I'm really not a good person; Everyone else just doesn't know it.

In any case, the hair is tied up in two shitty-looking braids, I'm having my long-overdue morning coffee, I've suffered through two meetings already this morning, and I am almost my normally calm self. Let me get a few more sips of caffeine in me and I'll be just fine, foul no longer.

And -- damn it! -- I am a nice person!!!

NaNo Update

2005-11-02T15:41:00.000-08:00

Right now I'm at NaNo-not-so-much...I have been so terribly busy I have barely been able to put two sentences together. I hope I'll be able to catch up tomorrow....

CP's Work

2005-11-01T19:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was asked to read a friend's husband's screenplay today and give him feedback on it.

Moi? I asked.

Si, si, was the reply.

So yes, someone, even though maybe only one person EVER, has been somewhat conscious of my background and my talents all these days....

Mwah ha ha ha!!!

Now...On to NaNo and Law & Order. After all, let us not forgot those things which are of true importance.

Did I mention NaNo started today??

2005-11-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

"And none so easily distracted as I."

-- Me, today during an exit meeting with an adult student from my ND class.

Yeah, just now starting on my NaNoWriMo project...Wish I were more words in already!

Ode to a Rubberband

2005-11-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

Today I saw a rubberband
Blue, lying on the ground.
I asked it, "Do you need some help?"
It was silent, so I looked around.

"Does anyone know where his owner is?
Does anyone even care?"
No answer...
So I gently picked it up and put it in my hair!

NaNoWriMo

2005-10-31T20:21:00.000-08:00

I am sooooo excited! NaNoWriMo begins in just 1 hour and 36 minutes! Woo-hoo!!

I didn't finish last year, but I am hoping to do so this year...Not staying up to start at midnight, tho, b/c I have a meeting at 8:30 am. I will start in the break between that meeting and starting to work in my office.

I have a good idea where I'm going to start, but in true NaNo fashion, I haven't taken the time to completely work out my plot. But since I now have a laptop here in my apartment, I will have the opportunity to get started early in the morning and late at night if need be.

Wow! I can't wait! Once I get going, I'll be sure to link to it from here...

Wish me luck!! :)

Busy Day, Today...

2005-10-24T15:37:00.000-07:00

Today was a busy, but fun, one! Woo hoo!!

I managed to get someone else to do my work-study time sheets (b/c I was too busy!), I got to be hard on one of my students (whom I know is not responsible enough for the position) in an RA/STARS interview, and I get to go and spend $100 bucks on Halloween decorations when I leave this office!

I am so excited I can hardly contain myself….

Seriously, though, I saw About a Boy this weekend and Roberta Flack has been stuck in my head – She has been Killing Me Softly all damn day long. Good song this morning, now, not really a favorite any longer…

Also, MonsterFest began on AMC on Sunday, and I will be all about watching the tely and barely turning the dial from AMC from now until H’ween! I am in hog heaven when there are horror movies on any channel 24/7 for 2 weeks!! (It has long been a dream of mine to pilot a tv station that shows only horror/suspense/thrillers, with a murder mystery thrown in here and there as filler -- Think about it, especially with today's movie market, The Horror Channel, could be really, really big! And now it's on the i-net, so if anyone else does it, they have to pay me the big royalty bucks! ha! ha!)

Double woo hoo!!!!

E-Bay Treasures

2005-10-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Often it is not the items, but the descriptions, that can be found on E-Bay which are the real treasures!!!

Check this guy out. It will certainly brighten your day...And possibly bring to mind those impulsive purchases sitting on shelves, in boxes, or hanging in closets that are rued to this day.

E-Bay Listing for Leather Pants....

Amber's Words of Wisdom

2005-10-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

"It is up to us to repair the wounds created by ourselves and our residents to our community. Let us be good doctors."

When, last Monday, two girls embroiled in a roommate conflict made a decision by flipping a coin and the rest of that end of their wing turned up to accost the girl who would remain, they might as well have had torches and pitchforks and be on a mission to rid the village of the monster. I was so angry, I told them all to go to their rooms or leave the building NOW!!

But tonight is the fun part. Tonight I get to tell them how their behavior was unacceptable and they are not acting in a manner befitting a student here, blah, blah, blah...But what will put the fear of God into them is when I tell them that if any of them so much as look at each other cross-eyed, I'll move them first and ask questions later.

Sort of takes the wind out of their I-got-my-way-after-all sails, I hope.

We'll see.

October/Halloween Things

2005-10-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

There is this amazingly funny, crazy new woman at work and we shall call her Cyn-O (need some new friends to get away from campus with, right?). Oh, yeah, she reminds me of you, peacegrrl, except her hair is darker...Are you sure you don't have a long lost twin somewhere? But to get back to the purpose in mentioning Cyn-O, I got this really great link from her. If you're like me and you love all things Halloween/Fall, then you should go to Pumpkingutter and check it out. This guy is totally awesome. It's way better than pumpkin ice cream (they actually have that stuff up north in the fall) or pumpkin pie, what he can do with the gourd!

I started decorating outside my apt door for Boo Bash but I 'm still not finished. I was going to make a mummy out of toilet paper, but one of my RAs said she was going to do that & I want something original, so...if you have ideas, please share! There's a lot of wall there to be decorated!!

I have been in an autumn food baking mood. I made banana nut bread last weekend and now pumpkin bread. They make my apt smell so autumn-y, even though it still isn't cold outside! The nice little cool spell we had last weekend has gone and the temp is creeping back up toward 90 everyday...I miss Ohio!

Savannah's Email Survey

2005-10-13T09:58:00.000-07:00

My 12-yr-old cousin sent me this, so I thought I'd post the portions I found especially relevant to my mood today:

5. Do you wish on stars? When I’m in a dreamy mood, which isn’t often of late
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Cerulean Blue or Plum
9. Favorite drink? A grande caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso (need one now!)
14. Favorite month? November – My birthday and Thanksgiving all rolled into one month, plus NaNoWriMo is November, too!
17. Favorite day of the year? Any day I spend at my mom’s with just her doing whatever she wants to do and she feels well enough to do it
18. What do you do to vent anger? I rant at people or I cry
19. What was your favorite toy as a child? My EasyBake oven
21. Hugs or kisses? I am all about the tight hug…No one can screw that up, and it always brings a smile/makes you feel better
23. Last time you cried? On the way home from Vidor after the weekend of Momo’s funeral
26. What did you do last night? I dressed up as a nun and went to play Bunko with some friends at Mari’s house. Got a kick out of stopping at a convenience store on the way home to grab a coke! Then I watched the LOST and Invasion I had set my VCR for, b/c I’d already missed one week…
27. Favorite smell? That crisp, brisk scent the air has on a cool autumn day or the cinnamon-y spicy scent of holiday baking
28. Who inspires you? People who can survive with spirit through something that impacts them in a tremendous way
29. What are you afraid of? (1) Small minded persons and lack of compassion in society on an everyday, person-standing-in-line-next-to-me kind of scale. How is it that you can rage about New Orleans and donate all your money to hurricane relief efforts, but you snap in rude anger at the person who lives next door rather than asking them patiently to turn their radio down and telling them the reason it is bothering you or you yell obscenities at the old woman crossing the street in front of your car because she is taking so long or you confront a peer as part of an angry mob and demand to know why she wants to live somewhere where everyone hates her and try to have her ousted from her room? (2) Going to work everyday hating my job b/c of either people I work with or what I have to do/deal with on a daily basis. (3) Spending my life working for others and never appreciating myself or finding that thing that truly makes me happy and excited to be alive. (4) Never finding the love of my life. (5) Turning 30 – in only 39 days, I might add….
31. Favorite day of the week? Friday, because I eat lunch “with the girls” at Henry’s and we vent about all the crap we’re going through both personally and professionally
34. Camping in the mountains or lying on the beach? Camping in the mountains is so serene and energizing...Wish I could do it more often....

Can you tell how I'm feeling? Pissed off, frustrated, and a bit nostalgic...

A Pic of My Momo

2005-10-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to put this picture of my Momo up. This photo was taken in June before she started suffering so much with the constant bouts of pneumonia.

I was mentally making my Christmas shopping list today and it struck me kind of hard when I realized there was no Momo on the list...I will miss her for a long time.

When my mama and her sisters were going through her things and separating them for donation, they folded and put aside for me the poncho that I crocheted for her last Christmas. I was touched. And now I wish it were cold outside so that I could wear it everyday...

The CARBIE

2005-10-07T08:39:00.000-07:00

This morning I was remembering and laughing to myself about a conversation which occurred while I was home for my Momo's funeral a couple of weeks ago. I'm not really sure what brought it to mind, but I thought it worthy of mentioning, since it still gave me a chuckle. Because, in spite of the gravity of the circumstances which brought my family together, there were often moments of humor interspersed with the heartache.

My cousin Monica mentioned to me and my cousins Becky & Christy (the Nordic twins -- not really twins, not really Scandinavian in descent, just ultra blonde, naturally, I might add, and sisters only a year apart in age) that we all looked like BARBIEs in our pastel tops and blonde hair. Christy laughed and replied, “Yeah, fat BARBIEs.” Christy’s brother-in-law put in his two cents’, “Well, if they can have BARBIEs of every race and single mother BARBIE and go-go BARBIE and everything else they have, why can’t they have a fat BARBIE? I guarantee you that some mother with a plump little girl is going to buy it so her daughter will feel better about herself!”

And thus the CARBIE was born…

We have decided:

All CARBIEs will have cankles.

She will come with clothes that don’t quite fit – buttons will be made to gap, pants will be too tight.

She’ll also come with support undergarments such as girdles (oooh, I wonder if Slimming Shapers wants to get in on this from the start…) and control top hose and under wire bras.

And as an added bonus: She will come packaged with a marker designed specially for her so that each individual owner can draw her CARBIE’s stretch marks as she sees fit.

My Radio Station

2005-09-29T15:50:00.000-07:00

I love it! I know that I am, like, the last person on earth to use this, but I just this week discovered LAUNCHcast on Yahoo!radio and I am now in love with/addicted to creating the perfect radio station for me! Yippee!! It is so much better than anything else I have found...Of course, anyone who reads this blog on an even semi-regular basis knows that I am no techno-geek. Far from it. I don't even own a digital camera -- I know, the travesty of it! (I also like Radio Margaritaville because it is way laidback). The worst part is that I am super excited about this and I'm sure there are far more fantastic things out there to which I will remain oblivious for who knows how long...

Hurricane Rita...She's Been a Real Bitch!

2005-09-26T17:55:00.000-07:00

How many ways can you say crazy? Well, that's what it has been like in my life...We spent all last week at work having emergency meetings and gearing up to take care of our residents and keep them as safe as possible in case the eye of Hurricane Rita hit the TX gulf coast anywhere between Port Lavaca and Corpus Christi.

Instead, it was sunny and warm here while I was making my way Friday night to northeast Texas and my hometown to be with my family of evacuees who fled Beaumont, Vidor, and Lake Charles. 27 people at my Nenan's house, 25 at my Aunt Mary's, and 18 at my mom's. And last I heard, no one knew yet about their homes b/c the police and National Guard are not letting anyone back into those cities, as they are flooded and without power, water, or sewer. But at least I know that I was of some assistance with all those people at my mom's little house (I slept on my sister's sofa so I didn't take up anyone else's bed). That many people make a lot of dishes and a lot of noise, and the kids get stir crazy being cooped up in the house while it rains. But I couldn't let her brave that alone for the entire time, even though I could only give her a couple days' help.

It also felt really wrong this morning to put out the collection jar for the Katrina Relief Fund when Rita just ripped her devastating way along our own coast, and possibly through some of my own family members' homes...

Anyway, I have to end, even though I haven't posted in friggin' forever, since today I have been up since 4 a.m. because I had to brave the 4-1/2 hour drive back here to SA, I have a staff meeting at 9:30 tonight, and after it I believe I will crash, because I need to get up by 6 in the morning, so the madness can begin again.

The Momo

2005-09-15T16:23:00.000-07:00

My cousin Glenn announced Saturday in his eulogy, "Marie Henrietta Boudreaux Davis Peevy sounded like something the adults used to say in French so the kids couldn't understand them."

My Momo (my maternal grandmother, from the fr. maman, meaning "mom" or "mama") was a wonderful woman, leading a difficult and challenging life for 78 years, but who never lost her faith in God and in other people. She gave of herself whenever someone was in need. If you gave her money because you thought she needed it, there was always someone else down the street she would give it to because they needed it more. If you had nowhere to stay, whether by your own fault or someone else's, her door was open, her towels clean, and her extra bed made up just for you. Countless cousins, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren have lived with her for various lengths of time, and somehow she still managed to feed them and house them on her fixed income.

As Glenn also said, "I don't know how her washers and dryers lasted as long as they did, and there was always soap there if you didn't have money enough to buy your own...And if she didn't have any, she'd somehow scrape together enough money to get you some."

10 things about my Momo
1. She didn't learn English until she was in the 2nd grade
2. She had 19 grandchildren and 25 great-grandchildren
3. Her grands always called her "Momo" but the great-grands all call her "THE Momo," for no reason we can figure out
4. She survived being married to an abusive alcoholic for decades, while raising 6 kids: 4 daughters and 2 sons
5. She had 3 stillborn babies, and was happy that she was going to get to meet those babies in heaven
6. She always wore powder and red lipstick and no other makeup
7. She married Vernon so that she could take care of him
8. It is because of her that I and my 1st cousins know the Unsolved Mysteries phone # by heart: 1-800-876-5353
9. She always kept crossword puzzle books and tabloids by the hundreds at her house...That fuzzy blue sofa was the only place you could read The Enquirer free of the fear of being ridiculed
10. When you slept at her house (she had sleep apnea and she snored) you would sometimes be jolted out of sleep, not by a sound, but by the lack of it -- Usually just about the time you had crept into her room, the snoring would recommence, you'd breathe a sigh of relief, and then you'd crawl back into your bed

I will always miss her....

Sad news this a.m.

2005-09-07T16:51:00.000-07:00

My grandmother, Henrietta Davis-Peevy, died this morning at around 7:30.

I will be going home tomorrow afternoon and returning on Monday morning. I doubt I will post before then.

Please remember my family in your prayers.

FYI

2005-08-31T16:44:00.000-07:00

I have been w/out internet access since last Wednesday; I haven’t been able to post it until now. I really don’t think of myself as any kind of technology guru, but I have been having withdrawals from the web! Man, oh man! I couldn’t check email and it was about to drive me nuts!

All it really means now that I have email is that I have more work to do! Yuck!!

A Strange New Phenomenon

2005-08-31T16:17:00.000-07:00

I have begun to notice a strange phenomenon occurring across campus of late: Every set of steps around, whether brick or concrete, seems to be scattered haphazardly with lost, lonely, motherless hair rubber bands, searching valiantly for either the return of their owner or the arrival of a (gross!) treasure hunter to pick them up and put them into a trash receptacle or back to good use.

When students began moving back onto the campus, it happened here in my own residence hall. First there was a single little chubby ponytail holder on one of the brick steps leading up to the Marian patio, hovering off to the side, waiting patiently for what was to come. It disappeared and was followed rapidly by a skinny black elastic which remained for only a short time. Then there came a big fat no-pull hair band which sat, bereft and alone, for only a single day, for it was accompanied the following morning by a plain brown office-style rubber band. And upon my arrival in the afternoon, they had been joined by yet another of the common khaki elastics.

It is a weird occurrence I presumed to be happening only in my building, but I was mistaken. It appears there are many more desolate and abandoned elastics than one might at first think, for as I climbed the gray concrete steps at the campus coffee house, what should catch my eye but a single black ponytail holder, sitting alone on one corner of the unfeeling cement stair? Perhaps we have become a haven for the lost and lonely elastic, the homeless hair bands with nowhere else to turn.

I say we must fight for those who have no voice. Won’t you help me save them???

A busy beginning to the 2005-06 Academic Year

2005-08-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

I am once again in the land of the living.

All the fresman in my building, with the exception of about 13 (is it a sign?), are checked in for the fall. My new staff is fantabulastic and though I was worried that I was really going to have to play the bitch top keep them in line and on task, within the first two days they had proven that theory wrong! They really pulled together for me when I had to make a flying trip home for 2 days to visit my Momo in the hospital. And they have bonded more since training began than I expected them to do in the first month or so.

Rattler Palooza was last night. John, Stef, and I did a good job of organizing it, but there just weren't all that many freshmen who came out for it, even with the DJ (often the music playing will draw a crowd). And though I took two students with me to help pick out the prizes, no one seemed all that excited about anything but the karaoke machine, microwave cart, and mushroom chair.

In other work-related news, I am co-teaching an ND 0101 class with jab and it starts on Weds. I'm a bit nervous, because it's been a year since I've taught, and also becauseI feel somewhat unprepared. Betweeen RA/STARS training all week, check-ins Friday-Tuesday, and Rattler Palooza preparations and setup, etc., we just really haven't had a lot of time to spend prepping for ND. Especially considering they only asked us a few weeks ago!

And so the year begins....

My Sparkling White Office Space

2005-08-09T15:34:00.000-07:00

Maintenance painted my office today, so I am sitting here typing and getting slightly high off the scent of it as it dries. I love it (the paint, not its effect on my brain cells)! It is only white, but it was looking dingy and grayed and had all these big holes/chips in the paint where posters had been taped up and then torn down. Not very appealing. Kudos to Ann for getting it taken care of so super-quickly (I only asked her about it last Tuesday, which around here is like 5 minutes ago -- that woman works faster than the speed of sound sometimes, and especially if we're talkin' institution time!) The painters even took down this horrible strip of double-sided foam tape that was stuck to the wall for God only knows what purpose and which I had failed at removing in my unskilled attempts. Apparently they have something that removes all kinds of stuff. "Goo Gone"it is called. Don't think I won't try it the next time I need some residue removed!

The clean white look of my office gets me excited about the coming year. 5 of my 8 staff members have already moved in and so have a few of the early arrival students (athletes). I went to buy folders for my staff yesterday and they had white ones with both pockets and brads (I've never seen white ones b/4...They're always blue and purple and orange, etc.), so I am going to have my staff decorate them throughout the year as important things happen to them in work, class, and their social lives. I hope they like the idea, but even if they don't, I'm rather fond of it!

I still have tons of stuff to do to wrap up Summer Conferences, and our staff will continue to do office hours through this week, then RA training begins this Saturday. UGH! I will probably drop off the grid for a week or two, so I am giving fair warning now, though I've been pretty dull and uninteresting lately.

Here's to hoping everyone's Fall Semester begins with energy, enthusiasm, and fun!

Visiting Babies & Birthdays Given Away

2005-08-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

I came home for a visit this weekend, and my aunt and her two granddaughters were here at my mom's, so there are kids everywhere and I am bored to death. If I go anywhere, not only will it be over-crowded because it's Texas' tax-free school shopping weekend, but I would have to either take two of the kids (Kate and Isa) with me or make everyone else listen to them cry. And for those people who have ever had to pick up after 4 kids at once, may God be with you, because it isn't exactly an easy job, which I have discovered over the last two days. Thank goodness this has only been a weekend and not a vacation. Whew! (Just for the record, Kate is the oldest, and she is 5. Isa is 2-1/2, Sarah is 1-1/2, and Nattie is now 8 mos.)

My mom turned 54 on Thursday, but she decided that she didn't want to get any older, so she gave Isa her birthday. So (this is really weird, I know) on Saturday we had an un-birthday party for Isabelle, or a 2nd and a half birthday party, as I like to call it. She's not spoiled, really she's not. (Right, you say. Every kid should get two birthday parties a year. It makes perfect sense.) Honestly, I thought my mom was being a little bit crazier than usual when she told me about it, but oh well -- it gave the kids an opportunity to open presents (they all got a few, of course) and eat cake and ice cream. V asked me when I told her, "Has your mother lost her ever lovin' mind? Wrestling a big group of kids with hands full of sticky stuff and fighting over presents once a year is more than enough!" After yesterday, I have to agree with V.

I Give Up

2005-08-02T15:57:00.000-07:00

I give up. Really, I do.

I think sometimes that people refuse to listen to what makes the most sense, and then they are surpised when it turns around and bites them in the ass. Oh, well...Could've told you that would happen, but no - You didn't want to listen to what I had to say. So I am giving up on trying to save others heartache or help them make difficult decisions (even though they might ask). I'll no longer dispense free advice, and if someone comes to me and says they need to talk, I'll just have to tell them that I don't do that anymore.

Listen to others' problems, I mean.

Well, except for students. I kind of get paid to do that.

Or my staff. They're my responsibility too.

Damn!

2005-08-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you're trolling along through life, nothing bad's happened in a while, and so you're feeling pretty good about yourself? Then someone comes along and knocks the joy of ignorance just -- splat! -- right out of you. Half the time it's by means of an off-hand remark even, and they're not at all aware of the effect it had on you, but it feels like someone snatched the heart straight out of your chest.

I HATE THAT.

Maybe I'm just not up to the 4-month party standard.

2005-07-29T17:21:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I had the worst hang-over of my entire life. I first thought I was going to die, and then just wished that I would so I would feel better. But I learned a valuable lesson: I cannot keep up with jab -- Irish blooded, frat-boy jab -- even a Cardinal has to draw the line somewhere. I still don't know what I was thinking!

So here's how it went down: Somehow I agreed to go to Chacho's for margaritas and ended up having 3 jumbos at jab's insistence (they are supposed to cut you off at 2, but he was driving and paying). It was a lot of fun finding my way to Weds. morn's pain, for sure. There are now really cool Halloween options for me and an extravagant thirtieth b-day party is now in the works (Jules, Mike, Amber, & Anne - expect invites). However, as I was sitting there getting sloshed off my 3rd 'rita, jab looked up and said, "Oh my God. The Mongolians are here." I whipped around so fast I almost fell out of my chair, and sure enough...there they were, with a few of the DLI guys in tow (including the cute one, made into a virtual Adonis by tequila and triple-sec, no less). It was around midnight, I think, so we said goodbye to them, wished them a good time, and sped away before they got a whiff of our level of liquored-up happiness.

While driving back home (jab also had 3 jumbos), he decided that our night of drinking rampage was not over, so he pulled into a bar he apparently adores and where the bartender, a 35-year old pregnant lesbian, knows him by name, and we proceeded to have 5 drinks apiece in the next hour and a half. I don't know what all I shared with him in the car on the way home, but I know I mentioned that I was still upset about turning 30 and I remember him telling me something about his ex, but really, it gets a bit fuzzy and I get this pain behind my right eye if I try too hard to remember....

Destroyed Pictures = a Distraught Ya-Ya

2005-07-20T11:14:00.000-07:00

Remember I mentioned that while I was home on vacation I went with my sister to have the girls' pictures taken? They were due back July 18th and when my sister went to get them, this is the only one to survive the development process...

Don't get me wrong. It's absolutely beautiful! But ask any mother, aunt, grandma how hard it is to get little ones to actually pose for a photographer...

AAAGGHHH!!!

Poor Rach has to go back and do it again. And all those perfect images are gone. I had my heart set on an 8x10 of Ya-Ya's girls in grass skirts under palm trees...Oh, well!

Latina Letters & Mongolian Accountants

2005-07-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

We had the Latina Letters conference here on our campus and Sandra Cisneros was the spotlight speaker, so this English major and 9th grade lit teacher now has an autographed copy of The House on Mango Street. (It's actually pretty cool to have a signed copy of a book your students had to read!) She was really entertaining, and she read us a few excerpts from a book she told us she had just completed on Thursday morning before she arrived at the conference. I have to admit that I'm more than a little excited about this.

I did have to get jab to stand in line for me however, b/c I had to leave early to pick up the Mongolians from the airport. Yes, that would be people from Mongolia, that rather large but often forgotten country sandwiched between China and the Siberian region of Russia. There is an executive education program that was started this year with the business school and I have been chauffeuring Mongolians around San Antonio and hanging out with them, though they speak very little English, since Thursday night. I even had to go to this reception at the home of the Dean of the School of Business on Friday night with them. I tried to get out of it, because I thought, "Ugh! Great...A night with a bunch of snooty professors and their wives and smiley people who don't speak English." I'm not really so great at all the shmoozy stuff....

But I actually had a good time. I spent most of the night speaking to a very verbal professor from another institution (married to one of our profs), another wife who was an elementary school teacher and got quite toasted quite quickly, and two guys from the Defense Language Institute over at Lackland Air Force Base. Apparently there are other Mongolians in San Antonio, and leave it to our program directors to find them! So 7 men from the DLI also attended the reception, and it was nice for our students to have someone around them who spoke their own language (they have one interpreter with them, who has lived in San Fran for three years and is a student at UC-Berkeley).

One of those guys I spent most of the reception talking to (I never thought I'd say I was attracted to a Mongol -- and he was actually TALL, though they are generally short people) but I can't remember his name...It was a bit hard to pronounce...And I believe he told me his nickname was Onky. For anyone who watches McLeod's Daughters on WE, he looked very much like Alfredo, Jodi's old flame who just returned unannounced from Italy on last Saturday night's episode. Perhaps if I was home to watch fewer chronicles of the lives of Tess and Claire McLeod on Saturday nights, I'd be better with people and would've thought to give him my number before I left!

*sigh* I'm absolutely hopeless! I can't even effectively flirt with foreigners with a limited capacity for English...Could I need any more help than that???

Wow! A cool one!

2005-07-12T14:53:00.000-07:00

I know it seems like all I blog about lately is the weather, but the high today was 96! It was so nice and cool! Yay!!

I saw Nina today. I hadn't gotten to speak to her in a couple of months, so we sat around in my office after work was over while she told me the saga that is her (love)life and I had nothing so melodramatic or soap opera-ish to share, but we enjoyed catching up just the same. I wish she would come to work here. That'd be great, having her around all the time.

She and I are very much alike, and while we were talking, she asked me if I thought she was complicated. I asked her in what sense she meant it, and we started discussing how yes, to some people she might seem complicated, but it's only because she cares about everything. She cares about her faith, about what happens to those around her (whether or not it is within her power to change it), about righting wrongs and living life and loving family, friends, and profession. I told her, "Well, you're looking at a woman who doesn't watch CNN because I can't keep from crying over all the injustices in the world." It's good to talk to someone who is so like yourself. It helps you to feel understood when you seem to be the only red ball in a bag full of green ones.

Yeah, Nina should come to work here.

P.S. -- I'm reading By the Light of the Moon by Dean Koontz, and though I just barely got into it last night before falling asleep, it's pretty interesting so far. We'll see, right?

2005-07-11T15:23:00.000-07:00

This is the foundation for my parents' new house they recently had poured over at The Farm for their "retirement home" like my daddy calls it...It's kind of hard to tell from this picture, but they'll have a really great view from their back porch!

2005-07-11T15:15:00.000-07:00

This is yet another pic out at The Farm. They were all taken the week before I went home for vacation.

2005-07-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

This is down close to the pond...It's not all brown, but they've gotten so little rain this summer that this is one of the greener areas of The Farm.

2005-07-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of the cows, my daddy's pride & joy. And they're smart, too...Look at them lying around in the shade like that!

2005-07-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

This is the pond out at The Farm...My dad keeps it stocked with catfish, but it was way too hot to go fishing!

This guy is in for a real treat..NOT!

2005-07-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

We interviewed an HD candidate from NE Ohio this morning and jab asked him if he liked snow, because he wasn't gonna see any around here. The candidate responded that he hated snow, and I thought, "I hope so, considering it's 102 freakin' degrees outside!" Ah, but I kept that dialogue to myself. In Fools Rush In when Matthew Perry's on-screen friend Jeff states about Las Vegas, "They should've just built the city on the f***ing sun," well, that's the thought that streaks through my mind every time I walk outside in July in San Antonio at about 2:30-3:00 in the afternoon. Inside -- not so bad; outside -- fry your skin off!

But although the heat is horrendous, the sky is so bright and beautifully blue that you have to squint when you're outside. It's actually very reminiscent of when I was in Colorado (If you can ignore the 123 degree heat index). I actually have been upset to see that the grass is all dying in spite of our best efforts to keep it watered and green, but mostly b/c the bland brownish yellow is not nearly as striking a contrast against the sky as the bright jeweled green of healthy lawns. *sigh*

Seriously, though, I cannot hardly believe that summer has only a few weeks left (at least summer in the most technical/school semester sense, anyway). We will soon be preparing for students to return...Am I excited? Or is that flutter not excitement but fear? Or maybe it's just nausea.

Playtime has ended!

2005-07-07T14:42:00.000-07:00

Well, my vacation is over and I've been back at work for two days now. It has been really busy trying to catch everything back up since I returned...I think taking a break just might be too much work!

I enjoyed my trip home immensely. I got to see Natalie's first tooth cut through, I got to swim everyday with my Isabelle (without even getting a tan, mind you), I got my hair cut and colored (no longer do I have blonde streaks in my hair, I'm just blonde, plain and simple...and the cut was only a trim), and I got to take a trip over to The Farm and see the foundation for the house my parents are having built. No high school friends to see even though I made about 4 trips to Wal-Mart, and I didn't drop in on my Paw-Paw until the day I left, but by God, I got my car maintenance caught up and showed my mama how to blog!

On Wednesday and Thursday of last week I took an overnight trip to Shreveport, LA with two of my aunts and my mom. I didn't win anything big, just enough to keep me playing for two days, pay for my room, get a new pair of sunglasses, a piggybank for Isabelle's collection, and still have a few dollars in my pocket. So in my mind, I came away a winner! :) Plus, driving my aunts and my mom around felt kind of like being in the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. They are all 3 a bit eccentric and have very strong personalities, so the drive was quite entertaining, to say the least.

On the 4th, Matt had gotten "pow-pows" like Isa calls them (fireworks), but even the sparklers freaked her out this year. She was so terrified she was shaking, yet last year she loved them and at New Year's too. But ever since my sister's car got caught under that 18-wheeler, she has been terrified of EVERYTHING that makes even the slightest noise. Like how the scraping sound it made when I pulled the lint filter off the dryer sent her running into the living room screaming for her Nana.

Oh yeah, did I tell that story about the 18 wheeler? My sister was in the lane to turn right out of the local Wal-Mart, and there was a J.B. Hunt truck on her left (the left turn lane) who took an illegal right turn and her Ford Taurus ended up caught between the sets of wheels under the trailer of the 18-wheeler. She said that the rear tires of the trailer were against the driver's side windows and she was so scared she could hardly breathe b/c both babies were in their carseats in the back seat. She told me that she just knew those big tires were going to roll right up onto her car and crunch them all into dust, but Isabelle started screaming and crying and woke the baby and of course, that kind of broke Rach out of her daze. Thankfully, the truck driver had stopped when he realized what he had done, but they couldn't get out of the car because of where the wheels were. Five or six people got out of their cars and helped direct them, and Rachael said it took over half an hour to inch forward, one at a time, until they were clear of each other. Can you believe that the truck driver never once got out of his vehicle to check to see if they were okay, and as soon as they were free from each other, he took off w/out even apologizing to her. And with all the people standing around helping, and all the cell phones that exist in the world (including the one my sis had with her in her car), not one person bothered to call the police during that time. And afterward, when my sister called the toll-free J.B. Hunt, "How's my driving?" line, they told her, basically, "Oh well, your problem." No shit. Her concern is that next time this guy might hurt someone.

Vacation time is here!

2005-06-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm on vacation from work for the next 7 days!

Can we say, "Woo-hoo?" I started counting down the hours about mid-day last Friday, and let me tell you, they took forever to go by!! Come Monday morning, between finishing up my last day of duty, wrapping up Orientation II, and working my ample butt off to complete about 3 days worth of work on Monday, I went to the office with my bags packed and in my trunk, and only ended up heading out about 45 minutes after I would normally leave the office (and only forgetting to complete one task, which I resolved this afternoon with Stefi on the phone).

I slept until 9 a.m. this morning and loved every minute of slumber that the extra 2-1/2 hours afforded me. And I went with my sister to have the girls' pictures taken today, and they were SOOOO precious! (I'll post them when we get them back). And now I'm intermittently helping my mom with dinner. Tomorrow & Thursday, my mama and I will be in Bossier City, LA enjoying the casinos with two of my aunts, and after that, I fully intend to spend the rest of my time off visiting with my family and sitting on my lazy ass, floating around in the pool with Isa, and just generally soaking up the knowledge that I don't have to do anything unless I feel like it! No big money to go traveling, but I'd miss the time with The Fam anyway if I went somewhere else.

I might not post much until after July 6th, unless I win big in Louisiana (fat chance!) or someone around here does something to piss me off and I really need to vent (very high possible) but know that I am enjoying myself while I'm absent.

Too bad it takes a year of hard, stressful work to get a few days free of care, huh?

Total Orientation Meltdown!

2005-06-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it's been TEN DAYS!! But I can honestly say that Freshman Orientation is kicking my ass!!! All that brave IM away message crap about single-handedly crushing Orientation crises? Yeah. It's B-S. I sometimes get the feeling that I'm in WAY over my head! Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't do two things: 1) be really pathetic and talk about how I never feel like I know what I'm doing and how I suck, suck, suck at my job, and 2) lay blame where blame is due when it's not knockin' on my door!

I have no qualms about jumping right in there and saying, "Hey! If we don't have enough rooms for parents, well, you're the one who capped Orientation registration at 185 and then let it get to 210 before finally calling a definitive halt. Not my fault. Nope, no sirree. You knew exactly which buildings were reserved for the students and which ones for the parents, and how many beds each one has...Not pushing it off on me if we have to tell people we have nowhere to put them. You've had my information since April. You gave me yours on Tuesday and it wasn't even FINAL!"

So it's a wonder I'm here right now. I almost forgot I even HAVE a blog.

Oh, and for those tracking my progress, I am completely moved into my new RHD apt. It has this huge balcony that just begs for a lawn chair and a margarita, but alas! I'm on duty, so no partaking of alcohol while I carry that blasted phone. It's a complete waste of a week's housewarming opportunities for me to get wasted. *sigh*

Also, as I plummet rapidly through time and space toward that dreaded but inexorable destination of my thirtieth birthday, I welcome you to join in the celebration of the 6-month party! A few co-workers have decided that although I would rather forget what is happening to me, I should make my progress toward November 21, 2005 a milestone that no amount of consumed alcohol could make me forget...So I ask you, why not help me celebrate?

2005-06-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

CG moved to Houston a couple of weeks ago. A few days before he left, he called and said that although he'd lived here for a year, he still hadn't seen The Alamo. One of the Park Police took this photo for us...

Packing & High Tension

2005-06-13T14:38:00.000-07:00

Will commence packing at 1700 hours...Was lazy all weekend and didn't make much headway, but will be busy tonight!

Saw High Tension over the weekend, and let me just say that I was right...It was a rip-off of Dean Koontz's Intensity until it got to the end...Then it became a rip-off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (think the 70's original). But, oh well, I liked it anyway...Though I could have lived w/out the single-person sex scenes (2 of them, one far more horrifyingly disgusting than the other). Give me blood spatter and needless violence anyday, but jeez! Is there really any need for masturbation on film (in a non-porn presentation)? If you have a strong stomach and like foreign horror films, go see it. You might like it.

Nothing Much

2005-06-09T16:39:00.000-07:00

Nothing much on the agenda for tonight. I'm a heck of a lot more relaxed than I was during my last posting (but the football coaches and campers are gone, and if luck holds, they took their blasted stomach flu with them). It helps to know that we will have no more groups on campus until Sunday -- at least that fall under my jurisdiction -- and even the prospect of having the VP's assistant griping at me tomorrow isn't lessening my good cheer. I am caught up in my on-line class and I plan to stay that way. And best of all, I will be packing my stuff all weekend so that I can get moved next week. Woo-hoo!

Although I'm simply moving to another building, I have been waiting on PB to get her act together (although my own is rarely together, right?) and not have so much going on in her life so we can switch places. It's not that big a deal, but patience has never been a particular strength of mine, and worst of all, I hate having to "hurry up and wait," of which it feels like I have been doing a great deal lately. But she was awesomely amazing today by taking on a check-out for me when it's not her responsibility, just so I wouldn't have to rush back and forth b/t it and my 1:1 meeting. That was exceptionally nice of her, wasn't it? :)

There is someone from my past I've been thinking a lot about lately. Maybe it's just because school is out and I have more time on my hands, but he's there in my head all the time, at the oddest moments. And believe me, I have to work hard enough to concentrate on my life already. The absolute last thing I need is a mush of shoulda-coulda-wouldas floating around in my brain at all hours of the day and night. I've just had this horrible feeling lately that I'm missing out on something by being away from him. But the crazy part is that we never dated, just had this awesome connection. I've not seen him in a while, so I'm wondering if it's still there...

More than likely, it is simply time and distance romanticizing in my mind what was there all that time ago...Right?

Monday Madness

2005-06-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

I know that it's, like, only Monday night, but geez! Is this week ever gonna end? I had to work all weekend doing crappy stuff, missed going tubing with my friend who is in TX all the way from BeanTown, and got an extra week behind in my on-line course on the Blessed Father William Joseph Chaminade, founder of the Society of Mary (St. Mary's is a Marianist institution, go figure), all during that miserable two days.

We have a camp on our campus whose leaders are driving me absolutely bananas. They don't understand the word C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. And I know why. They are all football coaches; They're used to yelling at people until things get done their way. Except that there are about 15 of them, all yelling at each other. Grown men. Having tantrums at each other like little boys. It'd be hilarious, really it would, if I were merely an observer and didn't actually have to speak to them, much less cater to their demands. *sigh*

Did I mention that I spent all day Saturday trying to track down someone who knew the last name of the guy who works in the campus post office who might have a key to let me in to see if maybe a package for a student was in there that contained his medication that his father said he had to have and of which he only had one day's supply (Saturday's) left? Did I also mention that I got the initial call before 11 a.m. and that it was about 4 p.m. before the task was completed? (Be nice to the mailroom guys...And, oh yeah...FOR GOD'S SAKE FIND OUT THEIR FRIGGIN' LAST NAMES!!!)

Oh, and I almost forgot...

Did I mention that they were freakin' vitamins?!?!?!

And if you think it has to have gotten better since then, I can assure you that you're wrong...

An Email I Enjoyed...

2005-06-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

Men and Women complement each other with the unique traits each were given......

WOMEN: *********

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They carry children, they carry hardships, and they carry burdens, yet they hold happiness, love, and joy.

They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They are child-care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes, and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and uniforms.

They fight for what they believe in. They stand up against injustice.

They walk and talk the extra mile to get their kids into the right schools and to get their family the right health care. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart; they know that knowledge is power, but they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.

Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable.

Women come in all sizes, colors, and shapes. They live in houses, apartments, and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run, or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!

Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends.

And all they want in return are a hug and a smile and for you to do the same for the people you come in contact with.

MEN: *********

Men are good at lifting heavy shit and killing bugs.

On the Run & In a Pissy Mood

2005-06-03T15:16:00.000-07:00

It seems that I have been on the run all day, and yet I feel as if I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Summer Conferences here are about to really take off and get busy, and I am still sending out contracts to people that they have to send back to me before their arrival. Wow, I suck at this! Guess I'm still trying to find that thing which I'm really excellent at...Starting to get tired of looking!

Also, there have been lots of other demands on my time where people have told me I have to do or attend something but don't give me specifics (like dates and times, for example) and I really hate that b/c it means I show up feeling unprepared. And believe me, I am a master at time-suckage, so I can "not be prepared" better than most, and certainly without anyone helping me to excell further at it. I like to at least know enough tobe good at pretending that I'm following things.

Glad it's the weekend, though. And although I have taken duty tonight (yes, that's right, Amber had no Friday night plans and so allowed someone else to carry out theirs -- somewhat vengefully, might I add -- let's put it on the marquee down at Cielo Vista so everyone can know. Oh wait, they already will -- it's just like normal...) I will hopefully be granted a number of uninterrupted hours in which to read and/or sleep. Most wanted, of course, would be to go to sleep in about 15 minutes and not wake up until tomorrow around noon-ish, but with this blasted DOD phone, no way am I going to be allowed to pull a Rip Van Winkle tonight. Instead, I'll probably eat leftover veggie lasagna and watch senseless tv for a few hours b/4 falling asleep on my sofa. And no, I'm not eighty-five, just boring, apparently.

Where did all the fun go???

I MISS BEING THE PARTY GODDESS!!

Memorial Day Trip Home

2005-05-31T16:00:00.000-07:00

I actually got a 3 day weekend with my mom, dad, bro, sis, and 2 adorable nieces for the holiday weekend. We had a really good time, surprisingly, in spite of the fact that every hour or so something erupts between at least two of them that would make a stranger swear that someone should probably not go to sleep that night for fear that another family member might sneak in and hurt them once their eyes are closed. My family, however, apparently knows no other way to love. It is why I cannot live with them. But I still love them.

My sister and I spent the day in Tyler on Saturday, spending $$ we should be saving, getting drenched by an unexpected thunderstorm, and showing off two of the most beautiful babies God ever put on this earth (yeah, I know my opinions are influenced by the fact that I love them to distraction, but they are pretty sweet!). I even let my sister talk me into letting her buy me a new cover for my phone (it is pink with darker pink flowers on it that have smiley faces for the center) and an antenna that flashes and looks like a crystal, even though I'd never have spent so much money on something so frivolous and pointless. But even I have to admit that it is cute, and everyone likes it. Still needless, however, because it is my phone and not everyone else's. Guess it's kind of obvious that my sister is a lot more materialistic than I, huh?

On Sunday, I did not get up and go to mass like I should have. Nor did I do anything else I had planned to do that day, like do my on-line coursework that was due Sunday night, go and visit my Momo in the nursing home, see my cousins who were visiting from Ft. Worth (my cousin's little boy is my godson), or bring Isa to the movies to see Madagascar (Matt & I were supposed to take her to see it as her first movie -- he took her on Monday and she came home and told my mom, "Nana! I saw a big, BIG movie!") The sum total of my accomplishments for Sunday?? I went with my mother to the grocery store, just the two of us, and for 3 reasons: 1) I rarely get to spend time with just my mom, 2) she hates grocery stores/shopping so much that she used to get panic attacks if she had to be in a crowded store for too long, and 3) I had absolutely no energy left in me after a day of Isa at the mall, Isa in TGI Friday's, Isa in Baskin's, etc. Zip, zero, nada, nil...None. (This made me begin to worry, though, that if I don't hurry up and have babies, I'll be too tired to enjoy them!)

For Memorial Day, my mom & I dug ditches with my dad at the farm for the plumbing that has to be run under the slab they are having poured for their new house once the ground dries up again. Then we cooked dinner for the family and my uncle came to visit and eat lunch with us. I spent a couple of hours cleaning the pool so Isa could swim in it today (the sun was supposed to be out there). Then I had to shower and get my stuff together so that Icould drive back to SA and be here before midnight ( I had been getting up at 4am and driving back on Mondays b/c I didn't have to be in the office 'til 10,but since I have to be in at 8am now, I had to drive back Monday evening). Lo and behold, as I was getting ready to leave the house, Isabelle was doing flips off the couch onto the living room carpet and barely spared me a glance and a "Bye, Ya-Ya," but Natalie, who is not quite 6 months old, started to bawl and kept reaching out for me. Isa has apparently gotten over my leaving (though it was hard to convince her earlier that she could not come back with me) but now Nattie is going to suffer separation anxiety! Aagh!

The Joys of Play-Doh

2005-05-24T14:16:00.000-07:00

Isabelle has just this morning discovered the joys of Play-Doh. She has been playing, apparently, with a miniscule dollop of green Shrek P-D that had been (we thought) hidden from her since Christmas b/c we adults thought she would just eat it. Not so. Too bad grown ups are rarely as smart as they think they are, huh? She sat in her high chair for hours playing with it. She even wanted to call me and tell me she had made hot dogs and pickles out of it.

OK, so she has a food fixation and she can only make one shape so far. Doesn't matter, b/c in her mind they are all different kinds of things and she is pleased as punch with her creation. I, on the other hand, am just tickled to death that she has A) found something that will interest her for more than 15 minutes and doesn't require lots of lifting, bouncing, and/or swinging of her on my part and B) tapped into some creative stream in her soul (the part that I seem often to have forgotten exists within me) at such a young age.

Besides, Play-Doh really is a wondrous thing. You're better off having lots of Play-Doh than lots of relationships. I mean, really...You can form Play-Doh into just about anything your mind can conjure (if you have the dexterity) and it never spoils as long as you take care of it properly. And if you forget it in the bottom of the toy box for a couple of weeks, it doesn't hold a grudge. Not so relationships.

Plus, I have always and will forever enjoy the scent of Play-Doh. It's something that nothing else smells just like and that never fails to take me back to the good ol' days of kindergarten. Boy, life was simple then. And as an adult, even when I've had a really crummy day, just catching a whiff of it can brighten my mood. Funny, huh? Maybe I should go and get some now...

I probably should also mention, just in case you touch my Play-Doh: Mix the colors and you die!!!

Writing at the expense of sleep...

2005-05-23T13:38:00.000-07:00

When I got in from my drive last night at around 10pm, I was feeling inspired by the music I'd been listening to on the radio, so I sat myself down at the computer to try and make a bit of writing project progress. On the one hand, I got in a few pages. On the other...I was awake until 3:30am.

Needless to say, I had a smidgen of difficulty getting my butt out of bed this morning. The carafe of coffee I brought along with me to the office helped somewhat, but then when I got the news that a friend and co-worker was having an emergency appendectomy before lunch, I felt a bit dazed.

Seeing him afterward in his hospital bed, with the pain he was feeling clearly visible on his face was a kind of punch in the gut. Oh yeah, I'm an adult now. I have to worry about things like hospital bills should I incur them and how to take care of every other aspect of my life on my own.

Damn, that sucks.

Hiatus Terminus

2005-05-20T13:57:00.000-07:00

OK, now that the 2 busiest weeks of my life are over...My own res hall has been officially handed over to the Summer Housing Coordinator, all 9 Summer Assistants have been trained, and our first two groups of the season have come and gone as of two o'clock this afternoon...I can resume my life. Old patterns can again emerge. Well, sort of. I am resolving to "waste" less time this summer, so maybe no more midday blogging. And when will I catch up on regular reads?

A pet peeve: Texas heat with no A/C. I thank God that I don't have to work tomorrow b/c the temp is suppose to climb to about 96 and the air conditioner will not be restored to our office for another couple of weeks. The building in which we are housed had serious chill-pipe issues, so it was all ripped out, replaced, re-insulated, etc. They are currently about halfway done. *sigh* My staff is exceedingly glad for 2 days during which they can languish beneath vents gushing frigid breezes, if they so choose.

Another pet peeve: No coffee in the a.m. I am having serious issues adjusting to getting up in time to drink my daily dose of a.m. caffeine, shower, dress, and apply make-up while still getting to the office by 8 o'clock. I am spoiled. During the regular school year, we work 10am - 5pm due to the late night requirements of our job, which are practically nil during the far less inhabited summers. So now that I have to keep normal work hours, well, let's just leave it at "YUCK!" And I have been waking up b/t 7:20 and 7:30, which is very, very bad, and dashing across the street to get coffee to save time. But what else sucks about that? Try "Free coffee when the Spurs win." The longest line I've ever been in in my life, not counting amusement park adventures, is across the street at the Diamond Shamrock at 8:05 a.m. the day after a Spurs victory during play-offs. Few things to rival such a gift, I know, but geez! Worst part was, I didn't even know about he store's promotion until AFTER I navigated the line from hell...

So, suffice it to say that I am back. Really. I am. Let's hope I can get back into the swing of regular conversation with people I don't know...Or am I just talking to myself? Most likely, a little of both.

Getting There...

2005-05-07T18:47:00.000-07:00

Yes, there are still students in my building as I write this, but compared to the 208 capacity of my building, they constitute a mere handful. And half of those are actively moving or packing at the moment. Aghh! Almost done with the residents, although emptying out the hall is just the first step in the closing process. But it's feeling good, however mad busy it might be, to bring this beginning to an end. Time to roll up our sleeves and dive into the rest of it, so I can spend as much time as possible with my summer staff on their training (that begins on Tuesday, by the way). I wish I could clone myself. Sure would make the coming week a lot easier!!

To make matters even tougher, I have one RA who's on loan from another building, one who is in the middle of his graduation, and one who has so "had it" with her job (last semester as an RA, can you tell?) that I'll be lucky to get about 65% out of her -- forget 100% at this point.

Well, gotta get back to work! Wish me luck!

2005-05-05T16:25:00.000-07:00

And if I bleach, I'd want to cut...Just like this, too...The 50's glamour-girl, tousled curl look!

Blonde Ambition

2005-05-05T15:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning wanting to be blonde.

As I was drying my blah, brownish-reddish, mid-length hair, I thought, "Wouldn't it be great to be blonde again?"

Hmmm...It doesn't make life any better or any easier, but I miss golden tresses. And if blondes truly do have more fun, then I could sure use a shot of that. Maybe it's because I need a tangible way to herald the coming of summer or possibly because somewhere deep inside I think it might make the growing out of my hair (which always seems an interminable task I can only remember having the sanity and wherewithal to complete once in my life, and then I cut it all off and had to wear big poufy hair to be maid of honor in my friend Merilyn's wedding, much to her very vocal dismay) seem less like a chore and a tad more bearable.

I any case, now I've got the itch to do something with my hair. Which means it will build and drive me absolutely nutty until I color or cut it and at this rate I'll never make it to long hair. Drat this stinking fickle attention span of mine!

Plus, going lighter with your locks is the best-ever way to disguise those tedious little grays. And those bad boys are popping up everywhere and sticking out like strobe lights against the dark strands on my head.

2005-04-29T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is my godson Aidan...but don't you feel like this by the time Friday rolls around? I know I do!!!

Hall Closing Week

2005-04-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

This coming week will be one of the craziest of my entire year, so don't expect too much creativity from me! The residents will be completing finals and moving out of the residence hall, so I will be busy like nobody's business! I will try to keep everyone updated on the week's progress, however.

Tonight my friend Stef is coming over and we are going to watch the next installment of the Halloween series...I think we are on Halloween 5, or maybe it is Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers. She will have to tell me if she's seen 5 yet, because I have seen them all so many times that I can't remember the last one we viewed together. When I was in college, I actually used to play Halloween II (my personal favorite) every night to put me to sleep, and I'd be out before the first hospital worker was slashed, though I'd usually make it through the random girl named "Alice" who dies just for fun. My mom couldn't understand how I could sleep through the screams, etc., but it was just b/c I had seen it SO MANY TIMES that it would lull me/didn't involve my brain in any way and then I could drift off. My all-time favorite and the absolute best cure I've found to date for staving off my insomnia (have I ever mentioned I am a chronic insomniac? runs in my family).

I don't really understand my fascination with horror movies, but maybe it is to keep me from being so scared in real life of everything that happens, b/c if you've seen something portrayed in a fantastical, horror-movie kind of way, it doesn't seem realistic -- doesn't feel like it could ever happen to you. Maybe not, though...I don't claim to be a shrink, just a student of human nature...

Oh, and the scariest movie I've ever seen? When a Stranger Calls. I saw it the first time when I was a kid, and even now, I can't stop the scream from bubbling out of my throat at the very end. If you've not seen it, and you're not one of those weird people who refuses to watch 99% of movies made before 1990 (my bro), then check it out and tell me what you think. Also, I saw Amityville Horror last week and thought they really overdid the blood. WaSC is a genuinely scary movie without all the gore they use nowadays.

So, I'm gonna go and enjoy my movie now...