We are crayons

We could learn a lot from crayons:

Some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors....but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

**My family is definitely crayons, but we haven't quite managed the "same box" part!**

I miss home often. People like this are one of the things I DO NOT miss about my hometown!

Yeah, big gator.

But you know what my first thought is? Stupid redneck idiot assholes want to kill one of what is only a few any more. I know they are there in the river bottoms and the like, but there aren't enough of them that you get to see them often, like in Florida. I think it’s sad. I’ve lived there for how long? About 24 years or so. And I’d never seen one until the dead one I saw on the side of the road when I was teaching at Cayuga. (I was nearly thirty by that time).

Let's be honest -- Mr. James doesn’t care that alligators can be a menace to the people who live around the area. He only cares that he now has a great big gator body to do an idiot thing like HAVE STUFFED. So he can decorate with it? That's what it says, right?

Pathetic. And stupid.

Maybe he should spend more time studying interior design and less crawling around on his belly out in the underbrush. We (and the alligators) would all be better off.

NutriSystem Notes

My mom and I started NutriSystem together a little less than two months ago.

She is doing fabulously and I am so very proud of her. Almost 40 pounds in about 7 weeks! Way to go mom! Her health is not the greatest and yet she still sticks to her diet, chases those little maniacal heathens we all love so much around the house all day, and is always only a phone call away when any of us need her. It's a bird, it's a plane- No, it's SUPER MOM!

I, on the other hand, am in the throes of total suckage. As always, I have dedicated myself only half-heartedly to what I am doing. I know no other way. Work, friends, fun, NutriSystem. I treat them all the same way -- as if I can take it or leave it and I'll still be okay, sometimes even a little defiant that any of those parts of my life might require something from me that I don't want to do. Well, hello...That's how I ended up so fat in the first place, isn't it? Deciding to just do (eat) whatever the hell I wanted and however much I wanted, whenever I felt like it.

That's not to say that I don't like my job or love my friends. I do, very much so. But I don't put into either of them the effort they deserve from me. And who doesn't enjoy having fun? That's kind of the meaning of the word, right? But mostly I don't like myself very much and it's difficult to put your whole heart into something you don't love. Think about it this way: it's hard to justify spending $100 on a perfume you don't absolutely adore, right? Or paying asking price for a house that's not your ideal.

Well, I am not my own dream home, fans, and maybe I just don't have it in me to do full renovations. Or at least, I don't know where to shop for construction supplies...I don't know where to start with changing my mindset on certain things and I really feel like it's my head that's holding me back, not my eating habits. They are simply a small part of the whole that has had major impact over the years.

Today I'm a Little Bummed

I realized, truly realized, this morning that I was going to have to miss the entire family vacation this summer at the beach. I had hoped to maybe have a couple of days off, but I'll probably be working the entire summer, and we'll really be kicking off right about the time that my mom and sister and everyone else heads off for ten days of playing in the sand and surf (or just watching it from the deck, which is more my speed). I'm really disappointed.

When we were kids, we went every summer and some of my best childhood memories are from those weeks of fun with cousins I might see rarely otherwise. As I got older and my family moved farther away from the coast, we eventually stopped making the trek. A couple of summers after we moved to Palestine, Mom and Poppy continued to organize the trips, but it became too much of a chore and we became teenagers and my dad never liked the to go or to have us gone for so long, so they just died out. We've been trying to revive the memory making so Isabelle and Natalie will have similarly joyous tapestries tucked away in their heads for years to come, and I really wanted to be a part of it.

Even though I cringe at even the thought of a bathing suit, there is something about the smell of ocean on the air that rejuvenates me, that heals something in me I never know is torn until I get there and I am suddenly reminded what peace of mind is like. I am really going to miss that this summer...

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT: Missing woman found under rock!

There are absolutely no excuses that can hold any legitimate reasoning for abandoning this blog for so long. So I’ll be honest. I just haven’t felt like writing. When I’m at home, I rarely turn on my laptop, and when I’m at work I’m not really supposed to do personal stuff on paid time (so don’t tell anyone, okay?). But I thought today, after my work was completed….”Oh, yeah, I should write something in my blog, huh?”

Truthfully? I was embarrassed that it has been so long. I used to think no one ever read it, and then when I quit writing in it on anything near a regular basis, I got notes from people asking me how I was b/c there hadn’t been anything on in ages. So maybe I'm back for good, or maybe it will be sporadic and sparse, but I am going to attempt to undertake this task yet again.

Think about it -- Now I'm up to 2 posts for 2007, and it's only June! Imagine what I can do with this baby before the year's out!!

Seriously, though, stayed tuned for future programming b/c I am not going to give up on this thing. A girl's gotta have a place to vent, after all!

Has it really been so long?

I was surprised to see that I haven't written ANYTHING since b/4 T'giving! WOW! I guess I have just been busy! I would've thought that being home from Thanksgiving through New Year's would have given me ample time to update friends on my comings & goings...Guess not!


The holidays were great...I got an ipod from my bro...something I never would have thought to purchase for myself but which I have thoroughly enjoyed! Probably the best thing I got this year. The girls had so much fun, too. This was Nattie's first year to be old enough to get the concept of presents and Santa Claus, etc. Mom's tree was beautiful...I scoured craft stores for things and we made all of the decorations for it except the two I purchased for Isa and Nattie this year.


We (my sibs, parents, and I) didn't all get along throughout the entire holiday, but it was mostly due to the fact that my sis sits on her butt while everyone else cooked, cleaned up, decorated, AND watched her kids. Sometimes I think it would be a lot easier without her just being there and being in the way all the time. But not only does she DO nothing, she constantly criticizes what others are doing for her. She is the ultimate, ungrateful human slug.

Guess what? I have moved!!! My brother bought a house in Alto, Texas. It is 30 minutes, door-to-door, from my parents' house. He asked me to live here with him, and I had been renting a little cabin out in the woods until I decided what I was going to do (move to LA, stay in Palestine) and I didn't like being out there by myself so I was driving all the way to my mom's just about every day. My bro didn't want to live by himself, either, so it worked out well for us both, and it's a 3 bedroom house, we both work out of town but not necessarily at the same times, so though I have been home from the New Orleans area for a week and a half now, I have only spoken to him on the phone, since he's out in California working right now. It's really like having my own place without all the headache. And I am ENJOYING it b/c I have friendly neighbors and license to decorate at will.

It was weird, tho, b/c while we were moving our stuff in, I got a call out for a job and had to leave my room in a big pile of boxes. Matt left a few days after I did, so though we have been here since the 4th of January, it's only been lived in for a couple of weeks!

Ah...Home Again!

For now I am back in the madness of my parents' house. I'll be here through Thanksgiving week, then I'm probably heading back to Baton Rouge. Right now I have a couple of things on the horizon -- there's my birthday, the biggest day of gluttony in the entire year, getting my Christmas shopping done while I have the time, and also preparing for a return trip to Louisiana. After a month and a half on the road, I have a better idea of which things I really need when living out of a motel room, so I am taking on the task of paring down what belongings I bring with me each trip, especially since I'm adding office supplies to the mix.

I have been really enjoying my job, although the man I was working under my co-workers and I have not-so-affectionately dubbed "Li'l Satan." He's got a bad case of short-man syndrome, and when he gets mad he jumps and shouts and looks just like an angry little leprechaun. I have been at his beck and call the past two weeks and have a bad feeling that I will be requested to return next week to help finish the paperwork for the job that I was just on. I was having nightmares that he would request that I work for him from now on...ugh! Perish the thought. Interrupted my sleep for a couple of nights, though. It would be tolerable, but not enjoyable, for sure. The last couple of days I think he realized he'd been pretty hard on us, because one day he brought us breakfast and another day he passed out goodies with the company logo on them (lanyards, portfolios, etc). He even made the comment, "I really have to stop being so mean or it's gonna come back to bite me in the butt." And the longer we worked for him, the more things improved. He kept saying, "Stick with me. Ms. Floyd, and you'll make it big in this company. Stick with me." And of course, my first thought was, "Do I have to?" Stick with him, I meant.

Life here at home is as chaotic as ever. I think, sometimes, that my sister just isn't happy unless there is drama in her life. That's the only conclusion I have been able to make sense of whenever I examine the things she says or does. So I've stopped examining...For now, anyway. But it is nice to see my Isa and Nattie even though they are intolreable heathens most days. I still love 'em. And for some reason, Natalie, obsessed with animals as she is, thinks she's a puppy. She crawls around, yipping, picking up things with her mouth and bringing them to you. Then she sits back on her legs and pants and wants you to pat her head and tell her she's a "good puppy." It's so sweet! Until she tries to give you puppy-dog kisses, at least.

Even with the kids to help take care of, I find myself heading to town with no real agenda or sitting around the house bored out of my mind. I'm not used to having time to twiddle my thumbs. When I'm working 12, 13, 14 hours a day, I basically eat, sleep, and go to work with very little else in between. Especially since there's no family or friends around. But here I have so much time on my hands every day that I go to town looking for something to buy to kill time. It's oh so nice having the money to do so, but it's not like there's much going on in Palestine, so I am still bored! Yesterday I wandered 3 stores, bought 7 DVDs (which I can't really watch because the girls aren't in daycare anymore and they're mostly movies for grown-ups), and picked up pizza to bring home for dinner, just because I wanted to get out of the house for a while. It's getting expensive, this boredom of mine. I'd say I need to find a hobby, but I think I have too many of those already, and they're not all kid friendly. The wire is sharp and the beads automatically go in little mouths when I'm trying to make jewelry. Scissors needed for scrapbooking are too easily snatched up by busy little hands. And so it goes, with every last thing.

Pulling an All-Nighter...

Oh, wait! That's every night on this job! DUH! But I'm sleeping okay now during the day, so i's not really too bad. We have a lot of high energy people out here in our offices at night, so they keep me on my toes and alert throughout the long dark hours.

I think tomorrow is going to be my last night out here at this jobsite, or that was the impression I was given, anyway. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to spend assisting witht he pack-up of the office trailer, which means that'll most likely be it for me -- finito! So on Saturday I'm not even going to set my alarm...I'll leave work, swing by the office in Port Allen, and then head back to my motel room to catch some Z-Z-Zs. I'm not going to set an alarm at all. I'll just sleep until I wake up. Bliss....pure bliss.

If I have a few days off, I'll go home -- but if not, I'll stick around here for the weekend. Hopefully, I will get a day or two to catch up on lost sleep, do laundry, and visit my family, but if not, that's okay too. I'm making far too much money to complain b/c they want me to keep working. It's really a nice change. And working 13-14 hour days, I don't even have time to spend any of it! Woo-hoo!

I have been thinking about becoming roommates with my cousin Christy, in Dallas, but I'm still not sure. It really depends on how busy JV plans to keep me. If I'm going to be on the road all the time, then there's not much point in paying for her condo. If it was my own place, it'd be different, but still seems like a bit of a waste of $$. Besides, Matt is wanting to buy a house and he wants me to move in with him, so I may just hold off on the Dallas thing and see what he decides to do when he returns home from California. Hopefully, I'll end up here working all the time. I wouldn't mind living in Baton Rouge too much, I guess.

I think if I get to go home, I might take a day to do some early Christmas shopping either here or down in New Orleans. There's a pretty good mall over on Bluebonnet called the Mall of Louisiana. I haven't had time to completely explore it due to my need to sleep during the day since I'm up all night, but I could certainly go cruise it before I head out to Texas. I need to get Matt and Rachael both birthday presents, as well. Now's as good a time as any, I suppose.

Guess I'd better get back to work. There are time to be keyed and spreadsheets to be created. Hopefully, I can make my work last the rest of the night....

New Job Update

Okay, okay....Listen, I've not been out of touch because I am lazy. Well, not solely because I am lazy. I also have begun my new job! I was in Norco, LA (near New Orleans) until a week and a half ago, and have been in Plaquemine, LA since, with the exception of the one day that I was moving between there and here, getting site-specifics, etc. But I've not really had a day off since I came to Louisiana. They are saying that we will probably be outta here in about 4 days, and I'm not really sure what the plan is after that.

Two jobs down, I have a much better understanding of the new position and I think that I actually am/can be really good at this job. Plus, it will provide me with the funds to do lots of other stuff that I want to do. I already make more $$ in one week than I used to make in a month! It's been really nice not to have to scrimp when I want something, and even nicer than making a good paycheck is being so buy that I don't really have time to blow much of it, so it's building up nicely in the bank! Woo-hoo! It can be stressful at times, but every day is something new and there are really fun people to work with, really weird people around here, and even a handful of heinously evil leprechauns out for blood (though mine seems to be of no importance yet, since I'm still a new nobody).

But I've met a lot of great people. There's a kid named Dustin from Oklahoma who works with me here at night and, when we're not too tired, we really have a blast making fun of each other and singing to classic rock in the office. And all the while getting all of our work done...Imagine that! I can sometimes actually work and talk at the same time. I must be getting better with age, hmmm?

My Weekend Plans

Yep. couple more days. Still not out on a job.

So instead, I'm driving to Dallas to visit my cousin. Said she's had a tough week and so my bro and I are gonna keep her company this w/end and (hopefully) cheer her up a bit. I was actually the person who let the movers in to unload all her furniture while she was working in Bryan, so I've been there before, but I know she's bought new furniture since she moved into this new condo by the Galleria. Can't wait to see it. Can't wait for the excuse to get out of this madhouse either, if only for a few days, and can't wait to hit the road, even if it's only for about 2-1/2 hours.

Now, if I can just manage to be cooped up with my brother for that period of time and not commit murder when he least expects it, make off with his new car, and empty his bank account, I will be doing just fine! LOL! Only kidding...he is very generous and will probably fund this expedition himself. I knew there were good reasons for keeping him around...

No news is good news, right?

Since I left SA on July 1st, I have had several things to do. I spent a week in Bryan TX with my cousin Christy researching mineral rights of specified properties with her, I went to Dallas to help the same cousin move from Ft. Worth into a new condo in Dallas, I went to the coast near Galveston on vacation for 10 days with my family, I spent nearly a week in Deer Park/LaPorte TX training for my new job (and got lots of cool goodies that made my brother jealous b/c he works for JVIC and didn’t have nay of those or any of the perks I will have once I start my position), and I have completed millions of (unpaid) hours of babysitting for my sister, who apparently is too much the idiot to cut loose the useless bastard who happens to be Nattie’s father but who could care less about either of them.

But we won’t go into that, except to say that -- somewhere deep inside her -- lies an intelligence that my sister is stubbornly refusing to tap. She is being an idiot. And I experience so much anger every time I think about it, that I am now going to MOVE ON TO ANOTHER TOPIC…


I would love to take a drive down to San Antonio and visit with all my friends there, especially since I’ve been so out of touch, but right now I really can’t afford it. There are no dollars currently coming into the coffers, only going out, so I’m being fiscally conservative. And taking a 5 hour drive, with gas at nearly $3/gallon doesn’t fall into that category. My dad offered to pay me $10 an hour to work for him over at the farm (that’s what he pays the guy who currently works for him) so I may be building fence and clearing brush this week. Who knows?

As far as JVIC is concerned, I’m hired and trained but am on “stand-by.” When Mo has a place to put me, he will. Word is that I will not be going to California as originally planned, but that instead I will be going to south LA between Baton Rouge and New Orleans for 2 weeks, then either to Pascagoula, Mississippi or somewhere else in southern Louisiana. Supposed to stay busy pretty much until Christmas, but the 1st job doesn’t start until October 9th. After a couple of jobs, they will put me on retainer and I’ll get a guaranteed 40 hours/week whether I’m working or not. But that means they’ll keep me busy, and I am definitely in need of that.

Did I mention that I’m going a little bit stir crazy? I need to feel like I am useful for my abilities besides washing dishes, folding laundry, or feeding and bathing babies. I think I’m growing less intelligent by the day with nothing to challenge me. I have almost needed to be rushed to the hospital due to a Fox News Channel overdose (though I am daily working hard to convince my Daddy that Bill O’Reilly is not God and thus release him from the grasp of the enemy). Yesterday I threatened my sister with bodily injury if she allowed the girls’ bedroom to return to the state it was in before I thoroughly cleaned it (including the dressers and the closet), primarily because I was pissed off at my mom for babying my dad and then bitching because he expects it.

But if you know me, then you know I will get by. For now, I keep busy by compiling a list of the groups of people my dad firmly believes are never to be believed because THEY ARE ALL LIARS; At the top of the list are Muslims and journalists -- so then…where does his beloved Bill fall, if not into the journalism category? But forgive me, Mr. O Reilly…I believe I am being a popinjay….

I'm home!!! Yay??

I've been home now for 5 days and it still feels like I should be packing up for a return trip to San Antonio! I am hoping to go back to SA for the w/end of July 23rd for the UPD picnic at StMU, but I have to head to Baton Rouge for a few days of training soon and I don't know if that might interfere. If I'm meant to get in another quick visit, then it'll happen. If not, oh well. Everyone in SA knows I love & miss them.

I did decide this morning, however, that waking up whenever the hell I want is a really nice thing! So when Mo told me that things were kind of slow right now with work and it would be a little while before I came on, I certainly was not going to complain. I have already said that, ideally, I wouldn't have to go to Louisiana for good until about mid to late August. I like the idea of a month or so to rest and relax before going back to the daily grind!

I had Isabelle Sun-Weds and took her home yesterday afternoon. She was determined she wasn't staying at her house, was gonna leave again with mom and I, but mama needed a night off from babysitting and frankly, so did I. Isa's really gonna have a fit tomorrow when it's sister's turn to come stay at Nana's with Ya-Ya (my mama isn't up to having them both running around right now). But Isa kind of thinks I belong to her....

Nothing deep today, just enjoying he quiet. I finished Velocity, finally, now that I've had time to read, and I think I'll mow the lawn this afternoon and treat the pool so that we can swim tomorrow (we had about 4 days of rain and now it needs chemicals). My days have been babies and laundry and dishes since I got here, and boy am I loving it!!

I'm Almost Outta Here!

Only one more week until I am gone! So sad...Yet so exciting! I'll be pulling out of here a week from Saturday, but not before I celebrate it a hundred times over: Fatso's with cop friends, drag show Tuesday night at The Saint, outing with the "Henry's Girls," and Friday night it's Johnny Carino's and The Devil Wears Prada.

I'm afraid I will cry. Deep down inside I am still cheering that I won't have to work with that woman any longer, but it gets buried further under a big, fat "Awww..." with every day that brings me nearer my departure. I think now that Amiee (My replacement, though can she really? Ever? Replace me, I mean.) is here, it is really beginning to feel more final. Teaching her check-ins today...Making arrangements to introduce her to Buddy & Susan tomorrow...Planning training for her and she whose name shall not be spoken for next week.

Wow! It's just really sinking in, that's all. And I'm really having mixed emotions, just like I knew I would. But it sure makes it easier to deal with HER in the office, that's for sure. And although I bitch because she never comes to work, I sure do enjoy not having her around!

Plus, Isa called and said she was ready for me to come get her, which I can't, of course, so I'm ready to go spend some quality time with my girls, with my mom, with my LIFE! I've forgotten what it's supposed to feel like to be your own person, make your own decisions and, in general, just live your own life.

Hey! Who knows? I might even find that I like it!

Another Sleepless Night

The band campers are outside playing Red Rover and I can't sleep. It's not their fault. I'm exhausted from a non-stop weekend of Freshman Orientation, but I can't seem to just close my eyes and shut off my brain. I've played Bejeweled on my cell until the picture blurs before my eyes, but still sleep eludes me. I fear that just like last night and many nights before, I will want to sleep but be unable to until two in the morning (or later) and then drop into a heavy slumber that won't last nearly long enough to be restful, then wake in the morning, still as exhausted as I am now. I forget what it feels like to awaken refreshed.

Maybe it's just stress. I tried making a list of the things I worry that I need to do tomorrow, but that didn't help either, b/c it's more than worry. It's anger at the way things seem to be going here, it's frustration that I only have two weeks left in San Antonio with friends, it's excitement that I'm about to get a brief vacation and then start a new chapter in my life. All these things keep rolling around in my head and they make an awful racket that holds sleep handcuffed just a few short breaths away. It's early still, I know, but I can feel the heavy weight of the long night ahead.

"To sleep, perchance to dream." -- Shakespeare's Hamlet.

Hamlet and I, we are blood brothers tonight, though my wish is for only a short reprieve, not the eternal one for which the Dane longed. Just a small need, sleep, yet it affects everything you do and every minute of your day. Your mood, your perspective, your health, definitely the quality of your work. More or less taken for granted if you don't feel you need it, but boy, when you do...Doesn't it make you desperate?

Pleasant dreams, all.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really even any good at my job...And then I see people who aren't and I just know. Yeah, I am! (At least for the most part!)

This a.m. I had to address the parents and students at Orientation and go over res hall policies with them. Yeah, it was bad. I bet I said "um" about 3 dozen times. This should get easier, right? Last year I was way less nervous. It was weird. One of the exec-board SOAs spoke right before me and she was really nervous, and I guess I felt I should be too, for some reason. Like it was contagious or something. Ugh! Guess it's a good thing I only have to do it one more time....